AboutIan Abram Clark Expertise I can answer questions to all those who are curious about the celibacy challenge, to those who doubt that celibacy is possible, and to those need tips concerning the pitfalls of an abstinent life.
Experience I've been interested in sexual restraint for several years now, and as of mid-March of 2006, became a strict celibate.
Organizations I am a brother in the Brotherhood of the Sacred Word.
Publications I am a webmaster and frequent contributor for the inspirational "celibacy.info" and currently working on co-authoring "The Bliss of the Celibate" with Julian Lee (a celibacy guru of some fame). I have a book written in Chinese and published in China, called "我不是老外" or "I'm Not a Foreigner" which explores questions of parenting and growing pains.
Education/Credentials I'm a confirmed Buddhist under the master Chuanzhen Fashi in Nanjing, China. I've visited and studied under the great Karunamayi in Penusila, Andhra Pradesh, India.
Expert: Ian Abram Clark Date: 7/3/2008 Subject: unwanted arousal
Question Hi Ian
Thanks for your reply to my first question.
You are right, as a counsellor I do pick up a lot of information from my clients of a sexual nature.
Even though the client themselves do not arouse me, some of the information does cause a release of precum.
While the client is not affected by this, I know that it does distract me from focusing on the client's needs etc.
Can you suggest ways that I can stop the status quo?
I am by he way, very good at dealing with the clients sex therapy needs which makes all of this really embarrassing.
Thanks muchly in advance
Fred
Answer Thanks for your question, Fred.
It is very critical to have the people you counsel not give too many details concerning their lewd acts. It should be made clear to them that being vague about things is very beneficial for them. Telling graphic stories has several problems:
1. It seems to be a competitive action, which attempts to compete with other stories or experiences. This kind of competition is good when concerning constructive actions, but certainly detrimental when concerning debasing actions. Many AA, NA or other anonymous-type peer-group sessions are plagued by this problem - people competing for a "better" story of bad behavior.
2. It causes the experience to be relived in the minds of the teller and listener.
3. It does not express proper shame over the action. When people are really shameful, they wish to distance themselves from the act that caused it. If they still have issues concerning this act, then they can certainly describe their feelings about it, the way they attempt to deal with these feelings, and so on. But to be graphic contradicts the very idea that this person is repentant or trying to get away from the acts in question.
This isn't an exhaustive list. So I hope that it seems more clear that being graphic about mistakes is harmful for anyone looking to change their outlook.
