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Celibacy/Abstinence/Dealing with physical temptation & women



Im a 23 year old from a traditional brahmin household who is trying to maintain brahamacharya for the past few months, after almost 8 years of masterbation.  
Im feeling ashamed even when Im writing this, but I need guidance about slips especially when one is being tempted as I have gone through till now. The following incidents will probably explain my predicament.
Recently a few months back after I started practicing celibacy, I took leave from work to prepare for my CA exams, when my maid (a very good natured woman) of all the people, started lusting me. Under the grasp of passion I was blinded and we got touchy a few times. After a herculean effort I maintained physical brahmacharya for a month but then recently again I slipped; twice. Till now by the grace of god something always made me stop from going further to the sexual act itself till now.
I do not have the heart to tell my parents about our behavior because for the past 4 years that she has been with us she has always been a very good natured soul and has mouths at home to feed and the sad faces of my parents is something I cannot face. I have told her to stop trying to seduce me and she has tried to control herself.
Now the problem is that after even after telling her to stop tempting me, my mind still hankers after this sinful temporary pleasure every time I see her or any other woman. I am also aware of what Im doing is wrong, but even after reading many spiritual books and doing my daily sandhya pooja I have been unable to control my mind, be it even in the control of the the Indriyas i.e Im finding it hard to even practice the basic tenets of controlling the palate, etc.
Also, every time I start observing celibacy strictly the temptations that arise are stronger then earlier. This really scares me.
I would be very grateful if you could please advise me as to how should I go about to try and control my mind as I want to sincerely devote my life to finding the truth.

Yours truly,

ANSWER: The purpose of the sexual act is procreation within marriage. If it is extended beyond the precincts of marriage, it ends in sorrow and suffering. This is the truth and there be no doubt about this.

If a man is centered in Brahmacharya with his mind & senses under control, no woman can succeed in taking him towards downfall. Woman is Mâya and the nature of Mâya is to provide an opportunity and then wait. It is only when man responds and proceeds ignoring ‘Viveka’ (wisdom) that Mâya reciprocates and entraps him. Ultimately, one alone is responsible for his deeds. Hence the correction in attitude is to be applied immediately and right thought/conduct adhered to at all times.

The human body is a pot of flesh filled with excrement and other foul substances that one would not even dream of consuming. This is what man indirectly feeds on during sexual activity. This pot of flesh is ageing everyday and moving towards its true state of decay. Keep this in mind (read past posts on related matter). Practice a life of Yoga with 4.00 A.M wakeup and all the Yogic kriya-s as described in past answers. Brahmacharya cannot succeed beyond a limit without these practices & meditation.

Go through each and every past answer. Apply the techniques and methods listed. Indulge in regular meditation and pray to God for strength. With the grace of God & persevered effort, things will fall into course and Brahmacharya will stabilize.

ॐ तत् सत्
(That Supreme being is the absolute truth)

---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------


Thank you sir for your kind reply. Cant help notice but you echo Swami Sivanada in many ways in all your posts. Im thankful to God that you are here to help apply and explain Swamiji's teachings to everyone individually.

I am trying to incorporate your advice in my life and would be further grateful if you could throw some light on the following two problems too.

1.)Even though I did not indulge in the sexual act, the feeling of guilt that I tried touching another woman inappropriately is hankering in my mind as I have never done this before. Sometimes I also wonder how I could have been led to the wrong path even though my family is very religious and spiritual.
These self defeating thoughts of continuous failure are really disturbing and do not leave me or allow me to concentrate on the task at hand. I want to get over them but I do not know how to.

2.)Also in previous posts you have mentioned about surrender to God, please give me some practical suggestions as to how I can achieve that.

Thanking you,
Yours truly,

1. Past Samskara-s (impressions) & Vasana-s (tendencies) of various kinds inundate the Karana Sharira (causal body) of an individual. These are the product of various activities indulged in during previous births. Sometimes, one gets to know of a particular tendency only when it surfaces. These layers of past karma are deeply embedded. They can surface when purification of the vehicles starts by the practice of Brahmacharya.

2. ‘Saranâgati’ (surrender to the Almighty) occurs naturally when one strives with the utmost urge for liberation. It is the by product of a puritanical life of Yoga adhered to properly with the correct practice of Yama – Niyama-s. Some people have genuine surrender to God from a very young age even without the practice of Yoga. This is the result of their previous Samakara-s from past incarnations. Such people have already striven in this direction earlier. For all others, the practice of a life of Yoga & Brahmacharya automatically leads to ‘Ishwara Pranidhâna (unconditional devotion to the Supreme)

In the Mahabharata, Lord Krishna says – “पुण्यं च सत् प्रियमत्वं च वर्धते ब्रह्मचर्यया ” – “Great merit and devotion to the Supreme result from the practice of Brahmacharya”

One should strive every moment for the realization of Brahman. Every activity, either material or spiritual should be performed with the attitude – “I do this act as an offering to the Lord who is working his Leela (divine play) through this body & mind of mine”. This is true Brahmacharya, true ‘Saranâgati’ and the best form of action. Such a person eventually experiences the bliss of the Lord and see’s HIM everywhere, in everything. His mind gets insulated from the senses and stays firm on the Brahman like the unflickering flame of a lamp in a windless room.

Strictly follow the procedure outlined in past answers with the utmost honesty. Within a year, things will come under control and Brahmacharya will become the way of life.

ॐ तत् सत्
(That Supreme being is the absolute truth)


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Questions concerning the practice of 'Brahmacharya' to know the self, & the means required are dealt with here.


The term 'Yoga' is a derivative of the Samskruth verb 'Yuj' which refers to union. 'Yoga', also called 'Brahma vidyâ' is the eternal dissolution of the individual 'Aham' (Ego) into the Atman (self) for 'Mukti' (liberation). Mere indulgence in 'Âsana' or physical postures is not Yoga. Âsana is only one limb or 'Anga' of Yoga. The eight limbs viz. Yama, Niyama, Âsana, Prânâyâma, Pratyâhâra, Dhârana, Dhyâna and Samâdhi are the means to Yoga. Brahmacharya or spiritually based continence is one of the important components of 'Yama'. 'Brahmacharya':- "Brahmani charyathey ithi" - "To surrender one's Ego and go with the will of the Almighty."

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