Celibacy/Abstinence/Love & Brahmacharya


Respected Dhananjay,

I fell in love with a lady, she didn't reciprocate for certain reasons and has completely severed ties with me. It has shattered my peace of mind. I have read in many of your older posts that being close to women is against the principles of brahmacharya, it is Maya. I fail to understand that :

1. why expression of feelings goes against these principles/ why the heart and mind become so restless in case the feelings are unrequited
2. why such a tender and pure feeling of love transforms into compelling emotion so hard to handle?
3. though I tried my utter best to keep any physical intimacy at bay yet it is causing severe agony.
4. Is it ever possible to have a pure feeling of love like that of Radha-Krishna, I feel all this is so utopian?
5. Why am I feeling that all what you have advised is so impractical, when I expressed my feelings I had just pure emotions and yet it has ruined all?
6. And all this is such an impediment to the productivity when not feelings are trampled under foot and equally provides a thrust to give the best when feelings are reciprocated.
7. Can't brahmacharis ever fall in love? Is it because of this pain and agony that love, feelings are preached to be fallacies of mind.

Please excuse for the outburst in a public forum but I hope any other person having faced a similar situation can benefit from this so kindly do throw light on these aspects which can cause so much sadness and hurt.


1. The basis of ‘Maya’ (cosmic illusion) is bondage. It stupifies, infatuates and finally binds man to the so called (unreal) beauty of the opposite sex, numbing the Buddhi (intellect) through deactivation. When man reaches this stage, the world terms it as ‘Love’ or cupid. He is now in remote control of this uncontrollable feeling of surrender, completely vulnerable to the wishes of the other. The entrapment is of such intensity that he becomes unhappy & disoriented if the created bond is shaken or made to break.

The reality is that he is under the strong grip of delusion, an after effect of Maya. The purpose of Maya to bring the man & woman together to make a family and continue creation. Its purview is to be limited to this purpose & not more. The wise man does not let Maya work beyond these precincts. If let uncontrolled and made into a way of life, Maya wreaks havoc, causes suffering and destroys man. Hence the wise forever stay fixed to reality and keep Maya at bay.

2. Estrangement from one’s partner (or from someone with whom one is connected karmically) occurs when there is karma that requires such suffering. Sometimes, people come into one’s life to settle such a karmic quotient, due from before. Once this is done, the person leaves forever, leaving the other in pain. All this is the work of one’s own past karma that is working out. The wise man uses this opportunity to wake himself to the reality and stay clear from the bounds of Maya.

3. The feeling of love between Radha & Lord Krishna was of the highest order as that between a devotee and the Lord. It was not based on the body, mind or past karma. Such love becomes possible when a person becomes a Yogi of high caliber, full of unconditioned devotion to the Lord. It is the truest form of love possible only with the Almighty. It cannot exist if the other person is looked at as an individual (for then desires & expectations can arise). Through a life of Yoga, one feels such love which is beyond the body & mind as regards the Lord and finally the whole world.

4. Such are the ways of Maya that the entrapped man shuns the knowledge of reality which then sounds tasteless and impractical. If what has happened is let go, knowing it to be the effect of past karma and a life of Yoga & Brahmacharya taken up seriously with devotion to God, the waves of unrest will gradually subside.

5. There is no rule against falling in love, be the pesron a Brahmachari or not. What is important is to take it to the level of marriage and offspring at the earliest. The longer these objectives are delayed, the greater the chances of breakup leading to pain & suffering; for what is termed ‘Love’ in the layman’s terms soon withers away from one person or the other if not taken to its rightful purpose of making a family. This is the law of creation.

ॐ तत् सत्
(That Supreme being is the absolute truth)  


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Questions concerning the practice of 'Brahmacharya' to know the self, & the means required are dealt with here.


The term 'Yoga' is a derivative of the Samskruth verb 'Yuj' which refers to union. 'Yoga', also called 'Brahma vidyâ' is the eternal dissolution of the individual 'Aham' (Ego) into the Atman (self) for 'Mukti' (liberation). Mere indulgence in 'Âsana' or physical postures is not Yoga. Âsana is only one limb or 'Anga' of Yoga. The eight limbs viz. Yama, Niyama, Âsana, Prânâyâma, Pratyâhâra, Dhârana, Dhyâna and Samâdhi are the means to Yoga. Brahmacharya or spiritually based continence is one of the important components of 'Yama'. 'Brahmacharya':- "Brahmani charyathey ithi" - "To surrender one's Ego and go with the will of the Almighty."


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