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Celibacy/Abstinence/How long should I wait?


My name is Daniel.  I'm 22 years and have been dating my girlfriend for six months.  We have some different views on sexuality and I'm looking for advice.  

I was raised Roman Catholic and as a teenager, started questioning many of the things I was taught.  I branched out and opened up to many lifestyles that were always taboo before.  I'm currently openly bisexual and have engaged in causal sex several times in the past.  

My girlfriend was raised in the Church of Christ and is still practicing.  She knows about my prior lifestyle and is okay with it, but remains conservative in her views on sex.

While there isn't a conflict between our religions, I feel that this may have some bearing on her stance.  I believe that sex is something that should be enjoyed and not reviled.  I would like to share this experience with her.  We tried once and it ended with her sobbing.  I would like to point out that I was not the one to initiate that particular encounter.

She, at this point, wants to wait until she is "emotionally ready."  My question, after much rambling, is how long should that take?  I have no problems waiting, but I don't want to stress her by putting a time limit on it.  But I also won't wait until marriage, for reasons far too lengthy to type here.

Your reply is greatly anticipated.



    First you MUST return to your Catholic roots. Attending mass regularly will help you cope with this, and you may even find the answer while in church. You must pray to God for help with your dilemma.  

    If the last sex that you had ended up with her in tears, then you need to reconsider. My advice is to wait as long as she wants. The most important thing here is to communicate EXACTLY how you feel and let her know that waiting is arduous for you. If she loves you, then she'll understand. Also, ask her what you might do to help her become "emotionally ready." This might help both of you.

Take care.


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Anthony Tarquinto


I can answer any questions about mental and emotional issues with regards to abstinence. We all know that there are times in our lives when we will not be able to engage in sex. There are psychological ways to condition both the mind and body to suppress the desires (without permanent harm), which can lead to a lifetime of fulfillment in other areas of life. Sex addiction is an Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, where the brain is "addicted" to the act of sex. After the act, the addict is often not satisfied and craves more. Sometimes, doing the act itself can exacerbate the desire to do it, which can send a person into a viscous cycle of craving and dependency. Breaking the cycle is the key to getting the addict off of the "desire" and on the road to recovery.


I am one of only a handful of male virgins left in the United States.

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Many of the people who ask for my advice wish to remain anonymous. They are teenagers and young adults who for whatever reason can't discuss abstinence issues with family and friends. I have had a few clients from India, where modern technologies are allowing more people to engage in these issues.

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