Celibacy/Abstinence/Coping with loss of temper
I am a 59-year old male with 11 months unbroken brahmacharya. I work in social services in a very demanding position. In many ways I know the position is too much for me, too much stress, pressure, and overwhelming duties. On the other hand, the job gives me an opportunity to bring my weaknesses (insecurity, lack of confidence) out into the open.
A couple of days ago, I lost my temper with a client. I was so angry I was panting and trembling as I yelled at him. I also kicked a bag which held his belongings. Of course, I feel terrible about this. I immediately apologized but it was too late. The damage had been done. I feel almost unbearable remorse about this incident, as I am a professional and am supposed to set a good example for my clients. I am so ashamed.
I am aware that I have deep, unprocessed emotions, fear, and anger and I know brahmacharya is helping. But this incident has been a crushing blow. Any response would be appreciated. I really just needed to express what happened and how sorry I am.
Count to ten and walk at least 20 feet away from the place of anger when under the influence of uncontrollable emotion. A Brahmachari should always strive not to lose his temper. Anger leads to loss of Ojas & Prana and makes the person weak and prone to a break. It also shatters the nervous system and degenerates the entire body-mind complex. Various foolish and unpardonable acts are committed even by civil men & women under the grip of anger. This will in turn form irreversible negative karma that one alone has to suffer.
Adhere to the correct practice of Brahmacharya and continue the job with a detached perspective. One should play his part in the life-drama with temporary internal involvement as an actor does but with complete Vairagya (detachment). Then one slowly overcomes the weakness to succumb to anger under tough conditions.
ॐ तत् सत्
(That Supreme being is the absolute truth)