Celibacy/Abstinence/Masturbation caused severe problems
Please read this completely as I am really confused and badly need a solution.
The very day I started to masturbate, I also started to face the consequences. I started when I was 13 and soon I got a dark patch on my face that made me unattractive leading to rejection and loneliness. I resorted to the filthy habit and also drugs just to went out my frustration. Soon my face and my body was completely ruined and I became a weird looking guy. My back bone isn't erect and makes my upper body very slump. My eyes lost its brightness and my face lack luster.
Whenever I control myself(cant say control because I always try to control, but only at some times I succeed) I regain a bit of myself (luster and vitality) and the change is evident. This change starts to surface within a few days or weeks. But soon I turn back to the same old routine and lose all the progress. Its really very confusing how just a leak of semen made me lose everything. This has been my life so far and I have been longing for a love life ever since I was a child.
Once a very old women saw me and told me to visit Durga temple. I ignored it at that time. But nearly after 5 years I started to visit the temple and now I'm completely surrendered to Durga. Soon there were some remarkable changes in my life as my parents arranged for my marriage and the girl also started talking to me. Now, I'm completely taken down by her sweetness and her affection and I dont think about any other women.
Question 1: Since I had restrained from the filthy habit because of this girl in my life, I started regaining myself(my beauty and vitality). What bothers me is that once I'm married to this girl which would be in the next six months, I will have to engage myself in sex atleast to satisfy her needs. I'm afraid if this might lead to energy loss and make me the same old weird looking guy that I was all my younger days. Your opinion on this.
Question 2: Why is that when practically every one masturbates, I happened to face the immediate effect of my deeds. If it was after a prolonged time of energy loss thats understandable. But I happened to face the effects right when I started it.
Question 3: If surrendering to Durga completely made a girl walk into my life, does that mean my trauma is over.
Please answer these questions as you would for a layman or a normal grihasta and not a person seeking enlightment. Because I had longed for a love life for a long time and now I actually got one. I just want to make this permanent and live life happily. If i'm not wrong thats what Durga devi has blessed me with after I surrendered to her.
Your personalized answer would be really helpful.
1. Practice honest Brahmacharya with all the practices as suggested in past answers with devotion to God. If your resolve is sincere, marriage will not prove an impediment. Let go of planning & worrying and surrender to Goddess Durga who will take care of these things. It is not for us to let the Ego worry about the future. If one holds on to the self with Sadhana, things take care of themselves by divine grace.
2. Masturbation eventually destroys. It is sooner with some and later with others based on various factors. Destruction is however guaranteed.
3. It means you should continue a life of virtue with sustained Bhakti (devotion) & Sadhana.
Your wish will come true if you apply these suggestions.
ॐ तत् सत्
(That Supreme being is the absolute truth)