Celibacy/Abstinence/Utter chaos & confusion
Hi Dhananjay ,
I was working in Mumbai till december last year.I was observing celibacy and apart from nightfall everything looked in control.I was also naturally inclined towards meditation and was feeling great.
Suddenly I suffered from jaundice,went to hometown ,somehow recovered ,came back to Mumbai.In between I discovered I have retina detachment in left eye.Without wasting time,I went for surgery at Mumbai private clinic and again went home town for 3 weeks.Came back to Mumbai only to know operation failed and I was virtually blind in left eye.
Rushed immediately to Chennai renowned eye hospital,got operated ,followed doc instructions till 7 weeks and followed again and again and 1.6 months ago Silicon oil has been removed from my eye.
My vision is very blurred and eyerything looks like waves of ocean.With glasses vision is 6/24.I am software professional.
My question is what should I do now? Doc says I can continue to work on computer for long duratios.Even my right eye has only 6/15 vision.Can I do so only with my right eye? Please help me.
Now I took transfer to Delhi just to save job.I am not able to meditate.NightFall has become common.In short ,Whatever strengh ,confidence etc. I have gained are running out.I have become abusive.Doing cheap things.Whenever I travel in metro or on road,My glance is on breast or hips of girls.This is a vicious cycle.I remind every now and then myself of all good things from your posts,but practically fails every time.
Why God ahs put me in this condition? what is all these past karmas?My family members initially supported me but now slowly they are absorbed in their own world.Some even donot want to talk to me who were just praising my abilities few days back.
Why God puts forth such a challenge?Can I get mey vision back?doc says I have now high pressure in left eye..may be glucoma?Right Eye is at high risk for detachment too.Got married 2 years back?how to feed her also if lost job,becomes blind?
I am totally confused and feeling worthless now. A lot of negative emotions.I believe every words of you but somehow practically not able to follow.Please answer me win detail.Save my life.Give me direction.May God bless u!
1. Continue the honest practice of Brahmacharya with the attitude - "Let that which happens happen. The Lord does not hurt anyone unnecessarily in the least. Past karma which is my own doing is making the body & Ego go through what these deserve. Let karma take its lawful course. Henceforth, the 'I-Ego' which is suffering will be discarded and the future will be fully taken care of by HIM whose dictates shall be followed honestly by this body & mind. The responsibility as regards this body & its future from now on will be fully transferred to HIM, who alone is the mover of all things. HIS decision will be accepted, whatever it be. 'I' will only be the neutral witness whose sole intention is to realize the self."
2. The possibility for the return of well being will depend on the intensity of surrender to HIM & the honesty of Brahmacharya. Certain things are to be realized and implemented from your side. You will get to know what these are in the course of time.
Now that you have completely surrendered, there need be no worry. Let the body go through that which HE deems necessary for further progress. All responsibility has been transferred to HIM whose decisions will be respected and accepted, immaterial of their nature. The family is also HIS responsibility. The doctor will advice as regards the physical condition when necessary.
ॐ तत् सत्
(That Supreme being is the absolute truth)