Celibacy/Abstinence/Which way to go?
My life is immensely changed since I found this website . The knowledge you
offered is so profound that it totally changed the way I think and understand this
world. I started practicing celibacy 2 years ago and now I am 23 years old.
But something changed inside me with this all knowledge. I lost my desire for
everything in life like all my dreams and ambition is lost. I hope sir that you
understand what I am trying to say.
I have two options of career in my life that are either to pass civil service exam
( MPSC / UPSC) and work as officer or work as farmer since by HIS grace my family
own very large farm. Now sir you said to consider this world as drama stage and
act here as actor without any attachment and I understand it but as I said before I
lost my desire,dream,ambition and competitive edge which are required for
working in private or public sector jobs.
I just wish to go to village and work as farmer and live peaceful and serene life
away from city and all its distractions. On the other hand I have ability to pass
civil service exams and work as honest officer.
I am the only child to my parents and they left this decision upto me but I am very
confused. Its like standing on the crossroad wondering where to go. Before
understanding this eternal truth and knowledge I was full of ambition and
enthusiasm for working as officer but now that desire is vanished.
I am sorry about writing too much. Whatever I will do,I will do it keeping in mind
the teaching you have taught here but your guidance will help me to make perfect
choice. This is the only question that confuses me a lot so please sir provide me
with your invaluable guidance.
Also I wonder if there is anything there that I am not understanding from what you
have taught here because sometimes I feel that this confusion should not be in my
mind if I truly understood what you told in here.
1. What is required is to be neutral and free from desire but completely ready to accept and work in the direction shown by HIM (but without attachment for either the work or its outcome). One should apply honest and sincere effort in the direction which one feels is right at the given moment and then watch silently. The effort applied might bear fruit or it might not. This is not our concern as long as the effort has been honest. One should accept whatever the Lord gives, be it success or failure, not being affected by either to the least extent.
Such a detached perspective can be compared to the mental state of an actor acting in a drama. He appears to be the very character, laughing, crying and doing various other things that the role demands. His actions appear as though he is really going through all these emotions. However, he is just doing that which the role demands as instructed by the director without really going through these emotions in reality. The minute the drama is over, the actor comes out of the 'character' and is smiling and relaxed, completely unaffected by the events in the drama.
2. When such a train of action is applied by the Yogi in the drama called 'life' directed by the unseen director called 'God', he performs as a tool in the hands of the Almighty. He is ready to play any role offered by the Lord, knowing it just to be a role and nothing more (though he appears completely involved while playing it). Just as it does not matter to an actor whether the role he plays is that of a king or a beggar, the Yogi stays as the Atman (pure self) all the time, completely unaffected by whether his 'character' in the 'life-drama' is made to go through success or failure.
When a life of Yoga & Brahmacharya are practiced on a regular basis with such an attitude in life, one goes beyond all desire and starts to reside in his pure self in the course of time. Then one feels content in the self by the self, all the time residing as the infinite self, no different from the Lord, as a drop of sea water feels when having merged back into the ocean.
Desire concerns the Ego which is the result of 'Agnyana' (ignorance). The Atman (pure self) is free from all desire, completely content in its infinity of the highest bliss. Hence there is no cause for worry.
3. For now, persevere in the direction you feel is right at the given moment with complete surrender to the Almighty. Then watch silently how it proceeds without any desire or expectation, being completely unaffected with success or failure. When such neutral efforts are applied, ready to accept any outcome, the will of the Lord will gradually become known. One need not even worry what direction to take, for that too is taken care of by HIM. This is real 'Saranagati' (complete surrender to the Brahman).
ॐ तत् सत्
(That Supreme being is the absolute truth)