Celibacy/Abstinence/Frustration from breaking Brahmacharya
QUESTION: Dear Dhananjay,
I can't believe this happened. After 3 months observing strict physical brahmacharya with several night emissions in between, I lapsed into viewing sinful material and committed a physical lapse. I am 20.
I am anguished. This is bothering me heavily. Has all the stored prana been wasted? Also, most importantly, the REASON why I took to this measure was because during my phase of brahmacharya I had several night emissions per week which was frustrating.
However, there is one development which I am happy about. A firm agnostic before, an amazing transformation occurred in me which turned out to be extremely beneficial for me without me even knowing it (I learned to focus out distractions and daydreaming right before I took my first driving lesson...without God's grace, this surely would have not happened). I am convinced that he will help me achieve true brahmacharya for the next several years-Is this the right perspective?
Last problem which bothers me. A few colleagues at my work place, young guys in their 20s, passed away a few weeks ago, and they presumably did not have any sensual relations. Sometimes I worry that, god forbid, if something were to happen to me that could incapacitate me, I will never be able to experience sensual pleasure with a woman in the future, and I think, what if I just tried it now before embarking on brahmacharya? Please give me a convincing reason to uphold my celibacy...I wish to retain it to harness my mental powers fully, but this alone does not satisfy me.
Most of all, the break in physical brahmacharya is paining me very much. I am in a confusing situation and I hope not all my progress, however small, has been lost. I had great excitement for life and better memory, and I feel OK now, but not exceptional.
God bless you,
ANSWER: 1. Brahmacharya is to be practiced in thought, word & deed with surrender to the Lord. Mere physical abstinence fails in due course and is not Brahmacharya. Apply the methods required, as suggested earlier, in totem, on a regular basis.
2. Surrender and trust in the Supreme is the basis for eventual establishment in Brahmacharya.
3. Who dies and who takes birth? It is the body & the Ego. You are neither of these, yet assume so. To overcome this illusion, so as as to reside in your true self, which is beyond birth and death should you practice Brahmacharya. Such a man who resides in the self is always in bliss and auspiciousness, having overcome the illusion of being the body and mind. He has overcome the need for recreational sexuality, the gateway to sorrow. The practice will give the best results in all walks of life as well.
The reason for Brahmacharya is the same as the reason for recreational sexuality. Both are indulged in for bliss, happiness & well being being one's true nature. Brahmacharya helps one realize the self, thereby leading to the greatest bliss & well being, permanent in nature, while sexuality fails in doing so.
4. The urge to revert back to Brahmacharya and not break it in future is the first benefit of the practice, however small it be. Hence strive as suggested and overcome the Ego, the cause of all trouble.
ॐ तत् सत्
(That Supreme being is the absolute truth)
---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------
QUESTION: I appreciate your response, but I would be grateful if you could be more direct. When people have asked tough questions in previous posts, your answers sometimes tend to be very broad, but if that is all that must be said, I fully understand.
Has all my prana been lost as a result? I do feel OK, although I experienced some pain in the knees.
First important question-I have become obsessed with IQ. I go to one of the world's top schools and it bothers me heavily that some people naturally have better cognitive ability me. I can become a good businessman or scientist, but I am, for example, not smart enough to become a world-class physicist. How do I deal with this? INsecurity is not a solution!
Another very, very important question. A colleague of mine who was honest and virtuous died at the age of 21 a few days ago. His parents, notable charity givers, were shot and killed 4 years ago by a man gunman. When my faith in god builds, it is times like these that make me think there is no divine being and no sense of karma. I am truly tired and unconvinced by the idea of just past karma or past sins-Tell me, were 7 million Jewish people who were killed in the Holocaust all holders of negative karma? It cannot be.
1. A voluntary break results in substantial loss of Prana. It is to be avoided at all costs.
2. Based on one's past karma and the will of God, different people are differently enabled. It is incorrect to compare oneself with others, as every person is unique by himself. That which is in destiny comes at the appropriate time; not more & not less. Hence the wise do not waste their resources in the pursuit of desire, but remain fixed to their Dharma, doing their duty, without attachment, content in the self.
3. Whether one accepts it or doesn't, what is.... is. HE who is directing the drama called life decides who performs which character, the screen play and the screen time. As an actor, one's purview ends at obeying the directors instructions, all the time holding on to the Atman (self).
ॐ तत् सत्
(That Supreme being is the absolute truth)