Celibacy/Abstinence/Advise regarding marriage
Hello Sir - Hope you are doing well !
I have a query on which I would like your guidance. I have been searching for a girl for marriage from past 3 to 4 years. I have never been excited about the prospect of marriage. So during initial 1 - 2 years I frequently had fights & arguments with my parents. Finally, I relented and thought that if i am destined for a marriage then I cannot run away from it and like all other duties should accept it humbly. But from last 2 years though I am trying to search seriously for a possible partner I am unable to search one. I have been rejected by many gals.This has not affected me though (because i do not have aversion / like for either states - married or unmarried) but I do face a lot of mental turmoil because of family & society pressure. Tomorrow I am going to meet a new girl and I have 2 queries in this regard:
(1) When should I state my wish for a celibate marriage. Should this be made clear in the very first meeting or should this be revealed after marriage (last time I told this to some other girl in our second meeting and I was rejected but I still don't mind telling this to a new girl in our first meeting tomorrow)
(2) Also, one more thing, that bothers me greatly is that, what if after marriage, if a girl find its difficult to maintain this vow of celibacy and walks away if I am not ready to break it. Sir, i am desiring 100 % sex free marriage but I am not sure if the incoming gal would be able to manage this lifelong. This thought that what if someone divorces me after marriage because of celibacy is making me nervous
Sir, please advise.
1. Sexual relations, with one's lawful wife, for progeny, does not go against Brahmacharya. It is in the course of nature to bring man and woman together, for offspring, so as to continue the race. One can give up sexual activity, further to the wife conceiving and then focus on unbroken practice. Knowing it to be such, the question of a celibate marriage is not necessary.
Go through the process of marriage and progeny in the natural way, if it is so willed by the higher power. Things will happen as they have to and the same higher power will make you both take up Brahmacharya, at the destined time, if it is so willed. It is not for one to decide for or against progeny, but accept the will of the Lord, letting things shape up naturally.
2. Let go of the botheration, let go of the decision and let things proceed naturally. If a celibate marriage is willed, it will happen. If it is not willed, it will not happen. One should not decide this or that, but accept that which happens as the will of the Lord, as long as his actions are within the bounds of Dharma. It is not in one's purview to bother, when HE decides and takes care of everything.
ॐ तत् सत्
(That Supreme being is the absolute truth)