Celibacy/Abstinence/A renewed outlook
1) My belief now is that the process of "playing the roles perfectly while being internally detached" puts one in a half-hearted state in which nothing is accomplished. If one seeks to immerse himself in his roles, as I will now do, there is no possibility of also "being internally detached". Swami Sivananda ate heartily, laughed cheerfully, and kept himself busy for 12 hours each day, apart from seva and meditation. Are my views appropriate?
2) I voluntarily broke my brahmacharya by spilling rethas because I felt no transmutation occurring. I do not wish to ever repeat this again because 8 months of continuous willful brahamcharya were broken in the process. This is ALWAYS the issue; great progress in health, vigor, and intelligence follow the first few weeks of celibacy followed by insipidity and tamas. The desire for a supportive mate still remains.
3) I went to Gunther Von Hagen's Body World exhibition and got a detailed look at what this body really is: A conglomerate of flesh, tissues, and bones. It was very revealing. Yet, all this did NOT get rid of my love for my family and my desire for a supportive mate in the future. Interesting, is it now?
4) My analysis of great rishis of yore has led to the study of siddhis and riddhis. Vivekananda's photographic intelligence, Trilinga Swami's bhuta ganas of control of the elements, and Hanuman's bhutajaya capacity to assume any form are all wonderous. Are these rishis with these capabilities today or does the Kali Yuga preclude the obtaining of these powers? Also, I find it interesting that we have no videography evidence for all!! How does one maintain belief given the lack of visual evidence?
1. If there is a halfhearted feeling, then the role is not being played right. A good actor enacts his role heartily, with full conviction, yet always being the self alone.
2. One should first develop patience and forbearance. Let it take months, years or lifetimes.
3. Desire is overcome through experience and 'Gnyana' (knowledge of the truth), for which one must apply devoted Sadhana.
4. To whom do Siddhi-s concern? As long as that entity exists, there is no scope for Gnyana. As long as there is no Gnyana, there is no Ananda (bliss) and no Shanti (peace). He who is in the quest of the truth does not hanker after those illusions.
ॐ तत् सत्
(That Supreme being is the absolute truth)