You are here:

Celibacy/Abstinence/Talking with Female Friends


Dear Dhananjay,

Thank you for your continued guidance. I just finished one year of brahmacharya. First 9 months was a lot more successful than previous 3 months. Lately I had some visual and mental breaks and even stimulated myself a couple of times but thankfully I realized what I was doing and stopped before having any discharge. So thankfully, it didn't lead to a complete break, and when I would come back in senses I wondered why I was so stupid to almost lead to a full break.

When I analyzed it, three things led me towards circumstances that make me seek out visual and physical stimulation.
1. Due to work stress and change in place, my sadhana was affected, and I hadn't been meditating as regularly and as long as I should.
2.I started playing video games on my phone. For some reason, whenever I played the game, I became more irritable and restless during rest of the day. Sometimes I was so restless at night that I couldn't sleep and as a result there was added stress.
3. I started talking over the phone with a female friend of mine that I used to fancy many years ago. She married someone else and I completely lost attraction towards her but we remained platonic friend and occationally chat over phone or communicate on email. But lately due to others things going on (reduced sahana combined with work stress) I started fantasizing an affair with her, especially on the days she called me on the phone and chatted for hours. Sometimes she would also complain about her husband and life, and this will further fuel my fantasy although  I ever told anything about this to her.

After a close encounter with a full break, I have realized my mistakes fully and have resumed Sadhana and stopped playing video games completely. I am wondering what to do with the female friend. Should I stop all communications with her? Or Should I talk to her with Matru bhava, thinking of her as mother. I think I have fantasized so much about her during the years I was not successful in Brahmachrya, that those thoughts are returning now when I talk to her. With most other women I seem to be able to keep mental brahmacharya just fine. Do you think I should completely cut communication with her? What about other female friends in general as far as observance of brahmacharya is considered?

thank you very much,

may God bless you,

Maintaining such contact will undoubtedly end in a break. One should let go of such contact, both mentally and verbally, if Brahmacharya is to be maintained.

ॐ तत् सत्
(That Supreme being is the absolute truth)


All Answers

Answers by Expert:

Ask Experts




Questions concerning the practice of 'Brahmacharya' to know the self, & the means required are dealt with here.


The term 'Yoga' is a derivative of the Samskruth verb 'Yuj' which refers to union. 'Yoga', also called 'Brahma vidy‚' is the eternal dissolution of the individual 'Aham' (Ego) into the Atman (self) for 'Mukti' (liberation). Mere indulgence in '¬sana' or physical postures is not Yoga. ¬sana is only one limb or 'Anga' of Yoga. The eight limbs viz. Yama, Niyama, ¬sana, Pr‚n‚y‚ma, Praty‚h‚ra, Dh‚rana, Dhy‚na and Sam‚dhi are the means to Yoga. Brahmacharya or spiritually based continence is one of the important components of 'Yama'. 'Brahmacharya':- "Brahmani charyathey ithi" - "To surrender one's Ego and go with the will of the Almighty."

Bachelors degree in Engineering.

©2016 All rights reserved.