I have been making efforts at yoga and brahmacharya since the age of 18. I started meditating regularly for 1-2 hours at the age of 21 and started doing regular pranayam from the age of 26. I only started having some degree of success at brahmacharya around the age of 27-30 when I would reach several months of purity (maximum attained was 5 months at a stretch) before relapsing into perversions like self stimulation. At an earlier age, I messed up even more by going to certain clubs but I won't give too much details out of respect for other forum readers. But all that stopped since the age of 27, except for self stimulation and porn which I couldn't give up for a long time. You have given good guidance to me several times in the past and I would have some really good experiences from regular meditation, pranayam and brahmacharya practice, but my ego would rise and I would relapse into self stimulation and even porn after few months of purity. Sometimes I would have visitors and couldn't keep up sattvic diet or would get stressed from work and couldn't keep up sadyhana and fall during those periods. I was especially prone to fall after travelling. The pattern (few months of purity followed by fall) continued for several years until the age of 33 last year, and I ended up getting some major health problems. (I usually never get sick) I once ended up in an emergency ward and thought I was going to die.
It became so bad that I had to take a break from work. Also there were pains all over the body and I couldnt even lie down straight, especially if I ate regular food. The only thing that helped was completely switching to bland healthy food. I gave up salt, sugar, dairy, oil, white rice, processed food etc and switched to vegetable juicing, fruits and whole grains. After a month, health stabilized a little. As a result of eating pure food, thoughts also became pure and I made a resolve to take up brahmacharya and yoga for rest of remaining life and never to return to old deviant ways. I slowly increased sadhana and took a long break from work and came to India.
Now I have finished a little over 4 months of brahmacharya at a stretch. I have been doing sadhana 8-10 hours a day for the past three weeks or so, and it often continues through sleep (it's a kind of wakeful sleep). Health has been constantly improving and paramatma has been really kind to me, and allowing me to make amends and return to the correct path. But suddenly I am getting a relapse of a chronic hip pain that I used to have (since age of 23 when I used to do kung fu). This is affecting my ability to sit for long hours in meditation. I recall reading in some of your earlier replies that after a certain time, there is detox reaction in the body where body eliminates toxins and certain pains may resurface. Can you please elaborate on this? Do you know how long this phase of detoxification may last? I have done a lot of mistakes in life and paratmatma has been really kind to me and giving me this opportunity to make amends. I am wondering how to deal with this latest challenge.
I am really grateful for your continued guidance and support and pray to paramatma to shower you with his abundance grace, blessings and ultimate Self realization.
jai sat chit anand
Simply continue with the required Sadhana, turning a blind eye to any pain with the reminder -"Past karma committed by the Ego are being borne by the body & mind for final evacuation in this birth. Let that which happens happen and get vacated for good, for I am neither the body nor the mind, but the pure self alone, who is a mere witness".
The issue will go away in the course of unbroken practice.
ॐ तत् सत्
(That Supreme being is the absolute truth)