Celibacy/Abstinence/Ongoing Celibacy


QUESTION: I need assistance with a complex dilemma. I am currently in a relationship and I have decided to become celibate for moral reasons, and as a guaranteed strategy to prevent pregnancy. Unfortunately, there is no method of birth control that is 100% effective, so if I decide to get married, I will continue to live a life of celibacy. Having children is absolutely not an option for me (long list of reasons). I do not need sex and feel perfectly content with never participating in the act again. The ramifications of the act are simply not worth it at all. My S/O is very unhappy with the situation, but refuses to leave the relationship (the door is open). I am constantly made to feel bad about my decision, which is unfair to me. I do not believe I should have sex only to please another person. I want to live a moral, sex free life in peace and serenity. Furthermore, an unplanned pregnancy would absolutely ruin my life to the point that I would no longer want to live. Celibacy makes me happy. Am I wrong for doing what I know is best for me? Any advice you can offer me would be greatly appreciated! I don't have anyone to talk to about this issue.

ANSWER: It is a pretty big problem if you have no one to talk to about this.  Is there any kind of support group you can get into?  If not, then at least find professional help in dealing with it.  Many people want to avoid pregnancy, but that doesn't mean they avoid sex forever.  I think your problem is with avoiding sex and not avoiding pregnancy.  Call a mental health helpline in your area or through your health provider.

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QUESTION: Thank you for responding. Unfortunately, there is no support group or therapist that I can speak with. The only guaranteed method of avoiding pregnancy is abstinence. I want to avoid pregnancy and not sex, and I feel that avoiding sex to prevent ruining my life is worth it. In other words, I feel that sex is not worth the possible consequences. I have witnessed far too many women suffer from some type of birth control failure, and we all know that no method is 100% effective. Furthermore, I don't believe in abortion or adoption. I feel that I am being responsible and taking my life into my own hands. Becoming a mother is not an option for me, ever (many, many reasons).

I wish there was someone who understands my situation and can see it from my point of view. Am I wrong for having the ability to understand what I can't handle, and for being responsible enough to ensure that it doesn't occur?

I suggest talking to more people about it.  Perhaps there is a women's or womyn's support group near you that deals with whatever issue members choose to bring up.  That might be a group of people who could give you additional clarification and understand your point of view.


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Doug Adams, Ph.D.


When it comes to celibacy/abstinence, I am more likely to point out the downside of being sexually abstinent. I don't advocate abstinence as a long-term sexual lifestyle. Abstinence is a good thing when the alternative is being sexual in an indiscreet manner, but it is a bad thing when a healthy sexual lifestyle of being monogamous with a partner is available. I frequently answer questions in the masturbation and male masturbation categories on AllExperts.com. I take all questions pertaining to sexuality.


I am a category expert in the sexuality area on AllExperts.com and have written the web site HealthyStrokes.com for over thirteen years.

I have a Ph.D. in a field unrelated to sexuality from one of the leading educational institutions of the world.

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