Namaste Mr. Dhananjay,
Due to the grace of Lord Hanuman my practice has been successful for the last 6 months.
Yesterday, a sudden wave of passion and fantasy arose and swept me. I had thought that my lustful samskaras had been burned, but as you mentioned in a previous answer, it appears that as one layer gets destroyed, further layers emerge and threaten to disturb practice.
The fantasy involved a woman who secretly pleasured her husband's boss so that her husband would receive a promotion at work.
A few questions:
1) After the wave of passion swept over me, I started vigorously chanting Hanuman Japa and slowly regained confidence in the mind, eventually realizing the pathetic nature of such a physical exchange. Why would such a sudden thought come to me in the first place?
2) Unfortunately, after 4 months of no nightfall emissions, I had a very mild emission yesterday accompanied by mild imagery. Is the working of the subconscious mind? By the time I went to bed, I had thoroughly forgotten about the aforementioned fantasy, so how does one prevent such occurrences going forth?
3) Although I had nightfall, I still feel completely fresh and unperturbed! In my pitiful former days (6 months ago) when I would voluntarily spill seed, I would experience pains, demotivation, etc. but it appears that this nightfall has done the opposite-I feel refreshed and even more determined to upkeep my sadhana. What is the difference here?
4) Apart from this nightfall, I have had no nightfall in the last 4 months. From what Swami Sivananda has said, I understand nightfall is to be expected once a month or so accompanied by no imagery. I am worried about why I have not experienced this type of harmless nightfall, for I fear that the excess seminal energy stored within will cause health problems if it is not expelled. Will it cause agitation or will it transcend up the Nadi and turn into Kundalini shakti?
Many thanks for your clarifications on these queries,
1. Past Samskara-s (impressions) ingrained in the Jiva from millions of past existences are innumerable in number. They can surface at any point of time, causing disturbance.
2. Through unbroken Sadhana, until Brahmacharya becomes natural, effortless and constant, all the time and beyond time. It may take a few years, decades, few lifetimes or hundreds of lives. The Yogi has to persevere, till this state is irreversibly attained.
3. All these ups & downs are not of substance. Let go of theoretical analysis and perform the suggested Sadhana for a few years in an unbroken manner. The answers will come by themselves.
4. The one who made you take up the practice will take care of other things as well. Nothing beyond practice is in your purview. Do your Sadhana, let go of fears and be quiet. Things will get taken care of as they are supposed to.
ॐ तत् सत्
(That Supreme being is the absolute truth)