Celibacy/Abstinence/Obstacles to the supreme goal
Hello Dhananjay Sir
I Have alot of problems and i know only you can solve them.
In case you have answered any of my question in the past answer,i request you to specify the date of that answer,as before asking all these problems,i knew it is my responsibility to go through the past answers first,but when i began i saw there were more than thousand questions answered,congrats for this achievement,coming back,i started reading the oldest first,i went through 25-30,but after that i knew i will not be able to go through all of it,so i decided to trouble you,i know its selfish but i really want to get rid of these problems.
EARLY LIFE : when i was 12 yr old,most of my classmates were 13-14 yr old,they masturbated even in classroom,i can't explain the hideous environment i had in my school,they suggested me to masturbate,they told that its full of pleasure and excitement,so one day when i was alone at my house,i think i was of 12 yrs and 10 months and i put some adult channel on TV and masturbated..i had ejaculation..i lost my VEERYA....since then i started masturbating everyday..even three times at a strech many times.....due to which i lost all my mental and physical powers..my memory was more weak than a 90 yr old man..i could not remember nothing...nothing at all..my parents always yelled at me for this "forgetting" habit of mine...even in academics i did not understand anything teachers taught....nothing..not only this...i also became a extremely socially awkward person..willing to go nowhere in public...these all problems still exists in me..i m 18 now.
PROGRESS IN CELIBACY : On 1st july 2014 i started my spiritual study,On 22nd July i took a vow of celibacy i.e i left masturbation...till 22 August i was not a pure brahmachari..as i still tried to satisfy my passion by looking at girls...but with the help of grace of Almighty and your teachings and answers..From 22nd August..i dont even bother to SEE a girl with lustful eye...but i love and respect them as they are manifestation of the divine mother.
1. complete brahmacharya in thought and deed,very soon in word too.
2.sleeping on marble..just a bedsheet between me and marble surface..and using a pillow
3.waking up at 3:00 AM
4.bathing with cold water
5.avoided junk food,fruits in breakfast, chapati,rice,vegetable and daal in lunch and dinner.
A.LOST SEMEN:Sometimes i feel like i have lost all my semen...and there is no way to attain self now..i become dIscouraged to carry on sadhana.
B.WAKING UP AT 3:00 A.M : i wake up,i bath, i practice nadi shodana...but i feel lazy and yawn when i close my eyes.According to your sequence..bandha should precede nadi shodana..but i dnt knw how to practice bandha..please refer me some links or answer and i m also confused at nadi shodana..swami vivekananda says to inhale through left/right nose fr 4 sec..retain inside fr 16 sec..and exhale in 8 sec..but on internet i see no retaining..please suggest me the right way.
C.MEDITATION: after nadi shodana...i meditate on Almighty...i imagine a lotus above my head..and imagine intangible light inside the lotus as Almighty..as suggested my swami vivekananda...but i never able to form a constant image of that light..it keeps moving..should i meditate on something tangible or on some internal part of body?
D.STUDIES: i am unable to concentrate on my studies..i feel sleepy and if not sleepy than boring to study and i rather start waiting for time to be 7:30 A.M as i have scheduled to sleep frm 7:30 to 10..because i feel extremely sleepy at this time.I have some important exams in last week of october ..its close..i have not prepared anything till now.
E.SADHANA WITH STUDIES : Sometimes i am unable to decide whether to carry on sadhana or postpone it till october..becoz i feel like i should rather study...what should i do?
F.LONELINESS: After waking up at 11 A.M...i start feeling lonely...i live away from parents in another city...alone in a room..i could go to a P.G...but opted for room for sadhana..i also had a girlfriend earlier...it was a long distance relationship...i never had sex with her or anyone..but i didn't loved her...i actually used her to satisfy my fire of lust..nothing else..but she genuinely loved me and trusted me blindly...undoubtedly i broke her heart..i broke up 2 months ago as it was against my spiritual interest..she understood it..and went away.
But now i feel lonely..i feel like i need some girl to talk with.
G.FRIEND GROUP: This is my major problem...as i m on this path now..i want everyone to be in this path...when i listen someone talking about sex & money..i feel like.."how stupid they are?..running after momentary satisfaction"...and i just keep giving lectures on spirituality and celibacy to my friends..and they make fun of me...even when i knw that i will be made fun...i still go ahead and keep teaching them...as i want all of them to lead a spiritual life.what should i do..as they talk of sex ..should i leave their company to a good extent...even after knowing that all are manifestation of God.
H.HEADACHE : my head is prone to take tension..a little computer operation,going out in some crowded place,travelling,studying long,when someone scolds e.t.c.....strikes my head..and it starts aching..i showed up in a eye hospital...they measured my eye muscle index...it was 4...normal is 35...so for one week they called me for some exercise and taught me some pen exercise to do for 3 months..after one week of machine exercise i had index of 34..i became happy and never bothered for pen exercise..after a month i was back to 4...undoubtedly this was due to tension and masturbation..what should i do?...do that pen exercise or brahmacharya is enough to heal?
I.NIGHTFALL:since my vow..i had a frequency of twice in week of nightfall...now its once in 10 days...why is it happening when i don't even bring a thought & sleep on hard surface & take cold bath..i remember dreams where i see the images of porn i saw earlier...and i feel like i have power to accept or reject..whenever i wakeup..i regret that why i accepted this in dream...i feel like it was my choice to go on or leave in dream...and i willingly did this...last night same happened...but i rejected..but in morning i saw a drop of liquid on my underwear..although it was very less.
J.SLEEP AND THOUGHTS : last but not the least..this is the most dangerous problem in me....earlier i used to sleep almost 11 hours...this is ridiculous i know..from 1:00 am to 12:00 p.m...now reducing this time is hard for me...when i go to sleep at night at 10:30...i don't fall asleep till 11:30...just thoughts keep coming and coming in my mind...not evil thoughts...good thoughts..i don't know why i have this desire in me to teach all people spirituality and celibacy and see everyone adopting the same..i know a yogi should be desire-less,but i have this desire...i have no material desire..nor i want fame...i just want everyone to adopt this.anyhow i manage to wake up at 3:00 am...i had slips thrice in last ten days in waking up...again wen i sleep at 7:30..i decide to wake up at 9:30..set the alarm...alarm rings..see the alarm..willfully cancel it ..and sleep again and wake up at 11.should i change my sleep timings..if possible suggest me a schedule.
So this is the end,i know it is foolish and childish of me to put up such questions and almost dictating my entire life to you....BUT..this is my problem...i just annoy people by asking them so many questions..i know u are also annoyed...any human can get annoyed by me...so its up to you..u can opt not to answer.
i will go through all past answers after november and get the answer myself without bothering you,but if you could give it now,i could apply it now.
I will pray to God for no re-birth of you,absorption of you in God even though i know that will happen without my prayer also due to your invaluable service to aspirants.
1. It is natural that the beginner often feels sleepy when he sits for practice. 'Tamas' (inertia) takes many years of Sadhana to be brought under control. One has to persevere with grit and determination to overcome the same. Further to such effort, HIS grace shines.
2. For the benefit of aspirants, the required links are given below:
METHOD OF YOGIC PRACTICES:
3. Perform meditation on the formless Supreme, as described in past answers.
4. Wake up at 4.00 A.M, perform Sadhana till 6.00 and then sit for studies.
5. Do your Sadhana and be quiet. It is not for you to advice others or proclaim regarding personal practice.
6. Performing the suggested Asana-s, with the other practices will restore normalcy of the eyes.
7. Nightfall gradually tapers over a period of time. Past karma dating back to many existences is not annulled in a few months or years. Do the Sadhana and be patient.
8. Sleep before 9.30 and wake up at 4.00. Do not sleep later in the day.