Celibacy/Abstinence/Doubts on Sadhana
I have a few queries for you.
1) When meditating on the supreme, formless self, what exactly is one to do? When I sit for meditation, I use Ramana Bhagawan's method-I ask Who am I, and once I "feel" the ego, I then merge my mind into the larger, deeper "I" from which the ego derives. I also try to think of empty space.
Here's the problem-I have no idea if what I am doing is correct! If I described what I do to others (and I don't since the practice is to be kept private) they would say I am merely hallucinating or being hypnotically swayed. I don't know if I am actually meditating correctly. When I think of the supreme almighty being, here's what happens: My breath becomes so shallow that it gets hard to breathe, and a subtle bliss glows through the body (like orgasm but subtler and far better).
Am I doing the right thing?
2) Is there any difference between masturbation and other forms of recreational sexuality? Or do all these simply end in suffering. There is one type of sexual imagery which bothers me highly-When I see a beautiful woman who large lips, the mind pictures her performing oral sex on this body. Oddly, this is tantalizing to the mind but regular sexual activity isn't. What is source of this odd transfixation? The mouth and lips house millions of bacteria and smell of foul saliva in the morning, yet despite all this logical input from buddhi, the monkey mind cannot be controlled and rushes! What am I doing wrong?
3) I ardently desire to desire the self. However, I know that in order to do so, I will have to fulfill my worldly dreams. I, the ego, want to see what it is like to be famous. I want to have a small bank balance such that I can live off the interest and not have to work so I can focus time on selfless service, learning, and meditation. Are these desires acceptable?
Sometimes the mind desires to see what the sexual act is like-"just try it once!" says the mind. However, I feel like if I try it, it will open up a huge pit of worms. Please give me a guarantee that the sexual act and oral sex are in no way as great as the pleasure of the atman and that I will not "miss out" by abstaining from sense pleasures. Please give me a guarantee.
3) When I think of the sages who live in himalayas and renounce fully the world and its pleasures, the mind starts to cower in fear. "how can it be!" the mind asks. "how can I exist without people? without family? without friends? without anyone who knows about me?" asks the mind. Have you overcome such questions? Or are you still at a point where you have trained the mind but have not fully conquered the ego yet? The mind seems to fear being isolated more than anything else-how can I overcome this?
4) How does one know when he has become realized and has merged forever into the infinite? A realized sage creates an ego to function in the world but still stays suspended in the infinite-how does this work? If someone were to physically hurt a realized sage, would he not feel pain? Even if he thought "I am not the body", wouldn't the mind be at least partially linked to the body when the sage creates a temporary ego to function in the world? Ramana Bhagawan often moaned in pain during his bout with cancer.
5) This is a crude question, but for a self-realized sage, will touching a nude woman or touching the genital organs not create any excitement or erection? Here's my confusing situation: Even when I force the mind to think of the absolute, the sight of a women's breasts or the thought of being orally stimulated by a woman causes an erection. It is involuntary! Are these impulses biological (derived from evolution) or reflective of the embedded seeds/vasanas?
6) How is the journey of the soul related to the physical evolution of humans over time? When we were monkeys in a bygone era, was the jiva and ahamkara and manas all present then as well? How does it relate to evolutionary science?
Thank you for your service and for guiding this aspirant. Today I resolved to guard the semen once and for all. My only concern-If a tempting woman is to enter the fray, I may fall prey to oral stimulation if she forces it-I must guard myself against this.
1. One should sit in Padmasana or Sidhasana with the spine, back, neck and head in a straight line. Then, one should close the eyes and focus at the 'Thrikuti' (region between the 2 eyebrows), make the mind blank of all thoughts and merge it (Ego) into the empty, infinite space, which is the nature of the absolute.
It is natural for breath to shallow and after many years of such practice, one eventually loses awareness that he is meditating and then comes Samadhi (super-consciousness) where breath eventually stops (yet the Yogi is alive)
2. These are the result of past seeds of karma. Recreational sexuality is to be shunned in all forms, for the one wishing liberation.
3. Those worldly desires which are destined to be experienced will get done. The limited pleasure of sexuality, which ends in suffering is incomparable to the infinite bliss of the self, like a drop is to the mighty ocean.
4. Who is there to know? The one who wants to know, disappears after realization. Silence
5. The body of woman, a lump of earth or wealth, all are seen as no different by the realized being.
6. It was present in a dormant state, as applicable to those creatures.
ॐ तत् सत्
(That Supreme being is the absolute truth)