Celibacy/Abstinence/Terrible Condition due to henious mistake
Sir many many thanks. Here I try to present everything in short because each and every event of past and present situation of life can not be put into words. So please give your valuable advice taking following into consideration.
About 2 years ago I was like in heaven. From June 2012 to Mar 2013 I practiced brhmacharya mentally at my level best.At that time I was 24. I can remember after 1 Or 2 months of practice I was feeling energy. Symptoms of sublimation was clearly found after everyday practice of brhmcharya.I was feeling strange heat in body and this heat was increasing after launch and dinner. Another most important symptom was I was feeling pain in all parts of body and increasing energy in all organs of my body like back,waist,legs specially thaigh of legs and hands.It was not physical pain due to weakness rather it was pain due to sublimation and terrible feeling. All these symptoms was being found in all parts of body through out the day. And after every day practice I was becoming strong mentally and physically. Mostly physical. After 10 months of this practice I really became very strong and was feeling undying prana in body. And this 10 months mental brhmcharya and symptom was still possible after 7years musterbation and 2years physical celebacy without musterbation.So at that time I was in heaven.
But after 10 months I did terrible and heinous mistake and converted my life into hell. This happened due to looking at others success. What I thought was completely terrible mistake. I thought others are gaining everything like wealth, Govt jobs in spite of not practicing attempts to brhmcharya like me then what is the use of my this 10 months practice. I thought simply I do not require only physical strength but also superb mental strength which was not gained after 9 or 10 months. That is why I started Abrhmcharya like others. I started musterbating 3 or 4 times daily. After 3 months I completely became weak and all divine symptoms was disappeared. After this heinous act I felt exhausted mentally and mostly physically fully.In this condition I felt symptoms exactly opposite of my 10 months brhmcharya. I felt pain due to weakness and sublimation was totally disappeared.Later I repented a lot but It was too late. Till now I am suffering like weakness in body, no symptoms of sublimation inspite of practicing brhmcharya at my level best like before when I was 24 and 1/2 month. Now I am feeling great pain like rich person lost all his wealth and finds no way other than suffering. At present symptoms are not noticeable and very rare. Sometimes I am feeling pain in waist area and back due to short of prana. At present I am feeling this pain due to Two reason. One is I lost my hard earned veerya recklessly. And I lost my purity. At present my character is not like before.It became worse than before.The main reason for failure in sublimation is becoz my mind is now being easily get excited with mere thought of erected penis. This kind of thought is coming so many times through the day and this thought becomes cause of my break.Why I am not able to sublimate becoz I am unable to maintain my mental purity like before when brhmcharya practiced at the age of 24.Since I am male it is genuine I am attracted towards female.but due to over and continuous musterbation I am at present also easily get excited by the thought punish and man. Now I am in terrible condition and weak. Sublimation is very rare difficult and very slow.Now I am 27 and repenting a lot for my mistake. If I was aware of consequences of my mistake,I would have never done this mistake. Due to all these things I put a question of Marriage Plan before you. Becoz I have already lost a lot of veerya , character and I am also weak. At present what to do please give me advise. I am also ready to repent thousand times for my lifetime one of the great mistake and hope to gain my previous potential to practice brhmcharya.Lastly I must say Sir I really lost my heaven of practicing brhmcharya like before.At present sometimes I become happy practicing brhmcharya and most of the times spending time with pain in weakness and sublimation. Please tell me possible course of action to overcome this difficulties.
Do the complete set of suggested Sadhana, regularly, without a break, with devotion to God. The issue will be gradually overcome. If marriage is destined by the will of the higher power, it will happen at the right time. Do your Sadhana and be quiet. One's limit ends there.
ॐ तत् सत्
(That Supreme being is the absolute truth)