Celibacy/Abstinence/Was it worth it?



I ask you this question not to mock or deride you in any way, but to ascertain the truth regarding the fruits of sadhana.

I have struggled mightily, for over a year of sadhana, and I am slowly giving up the ego, continuously reminding myself that I am pure consciousness. I don't know how long these emotional phases and transitions will last, and I don't know what god's plans for me are, but I ask you a simple question because like me, you have struggled greatly to realize the self.

I am not going to complain about my dissatisfaction with sadhana because simply complaining will add to my depression and current pessimism, and further compound the emotional problems I currently face.   

Suicide is not a solution because it will not solve anything and lead to an even more dreary state of affairs. Anyway, I am used to pain and depression, so there is no reason to complain of it. It is enormously difficult to one-pointedly strive for the self when there is depression and darkness everywhere and simply living through the pain becomes a struggle. You could say, at the moment, that I am simply floating through life and trying to find a way to mitigate the pain and darkness. I want to die, and just disappear, and just not experience anything (like the state of deep sleep) and be permanently destroyed. I am fine with not experiencing bliss, but I just want to escape from the pain and depression, and this hell of a world.

I don't know the magnitude of your struggle or how much pain you have suffered to realize the self, but I wanted to ask you a simple question. Was the bliss of Samadhi worth it? Was the samadhi you experienced worth all the attractions, pains, struggles and phases of depression you experienced?

I don't know how long self-realization will take; perhaps it will take lifetimes or decades and I don't know how long it will be before I can escape from this earthly hell. Self-realization itself, is not a direct goal at the moment, because I have no idea how long it will take to merge in the supreme and completely eradicate the ego; nonetheless, the bliss of Saivikalpa Samadhi seems like a more reachable state for me at the moment. If you can tell me that it was worth it, then perhaps I can goad this useless and stupid mind in the right direction, and motivate it to continue sadhana. This is the reason I ask. I am asking you with the demeanor and guilelessness of a child, the same child that has trusted you so far and done everything with the utmost sincerity.I do not mean to be impertinent in any way, and I ask you with the utmost respect and humility.

ANSWER: 1. This is the real meaning of the battle of Kurukshetra in the Mahabharata. The very same doubt was encountered by Arjuna, when the path of giving up took credence under the effect of Maya, in the form of relationships with his kin (representing the non-self).

2. The advice of Lord Lord Krishna is well known. That is the right path.

The bliss of Samadhi is just the beginning and not the end. Residence in the truth is beyond description.

ॐ तत् सत्
(That Supreme being is the absolute truth)

---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: Alright sir... In numerous answers, you have said that things will get easier in one year, sometimes in one and a half year and sometimes after two years....

Is it alright for me to expect things to get easier after a certain period of time, where spiritual life turns from a painful ordeal into a blissful one? And I get relish and enthusiasm in pursuing spiritual life? I know you cannot tell me dates, but may I ask when I can expect a little more enthusiasm in pursuing this life?

ANSWER: As one progresses with ardent Sadhana, the gross troubles reduce, to be replaced with subtle challenges, which are no less intense. The ease depends on one's past Samskara-s (impressions) and therefore different from one Sadhaka to another.

Sometimes, it appears as though there is no progress for years together, while in reality, a certain block of dense Samskara is being gradually dissolved. The average practitioner gives up at times such as these; an exceptional Sadhaka does not. There is always progress, as long one there is honest Sadhana, though not apparent. One should have trust in the Lord and persevere with complete commitment. Such an individual, who practices true 'Saranagati (complete surrender to the Supreme, accepting that which comes or does not come as the Lords wish) alone crosses the 'Samsara Sagara' (ocean of trans-migratory existence), which is rife with impediments to Sadhana, as are the sharks in the ocean.

ॐ तत् सत्
(That Supreme being is the absolute truth)

---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: Thank you sir.

May I ask what is meant by subtle samskaras and gross samskaras and what is the difference? And why are these subtle samskaras just as intense as gross samskaras?

Also, Swami Sivananda has mentioned that holy company makes sadhana easier in the vulnerable stage, as less evolved souls can take shelter under advanced aspirants and saints. He has also mentioned that living in the world yet possessing discrimination leads to quick evolution (as god places one in tough environments for quick evolution)? Does holy company truly aid evolution then, and am I missing out on a key part of evolving quickly by not having it?

1. Those Samskara-s which are most predominant are gross. That which is acting as a base for these is subtle.

2. Holy company is conducive during the initial years. Later, no company is to be desired. One should dive into the self and learn to remain there, for looking external (even as regards holy company) is to be gotten over.

3. You cannot miss out on anything. That which has to come will surely come.

ॐ तत् सत्
(That Supreme being is the absolute truth)  


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Questions concerning the practice of 'Brahmacharya' to know the self, & the means required are dealt with here.


The term 'Yoga' is a derivative of the Samskruth verb 'Yuj' which refers to union. 'Yoga', also called 'Brahma vidy‚' is the eternal dissolution of the individual 'Aham' (Ego) into the Atman (self) for 'Mukti' (liberation). Mere indulgence in '¬sana' or physical postures is not Yoga. ¬sana is only one limb or 'Anga' of Yoga. The eight limbs viz. Yama, Niyama, ¬sana, Pr‚n‚y‚ma, Praty‚h‚ra, Dh‚rana, Dhy‚na and Sam‚dhi are the means to Yoga. Brahmacharya or spiritually based continence is one of the important components of 'Yama'. 'Brahmacharya':- "Brahmani charyathey ithi" - "To surrender one's Ego and go with the will of the Almighty."


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