Celibacy/Abstinence/Moksha or other Goals
I have been a pure vegetarian throughout my life till now and ive always been truthful and good in my deeds. I entered into the world of ayurved by learning about vata,pitta and kafa and ive properly balanced them all and ive experienced how powerful this knowledge is. Now I want to become a brahmachari but when I try to meditate my kundalini begins to rise. I dont want to attain moksha at so young age. Because let me tell you, I had tried to become a brahmachari and did meditation but i felt this energy flowing through my spine always. And one night my I saw very powerful white light in my dream. To be honest I did not like this experience and felt very scared because following things were happening :
1. No food tasted good
2. The affection to family members was fading
3. I was beginning to forget goals of my life
I dont want to attain moksha now because i want to do something for my economy (India) and be a contributor to it and follow the other three purposes of my life like artha, kama and karma. If I do become a brahmachari and attain moksha my life will never be the same. I will be so much carried away from wordly activities and all my ego and purpose of life will go away.
So what should I do ? Whenever i try to practice brahmachari my kundalini begins to rise because ive always eaten the right food and done good karmas. But I really want to prove my worth as a human and do something for the society before I go on for achieving moksha. Please help me to the best of your knowledge. I have many more questions but this is the biggest one I have. I know I have a lot of spiritual energy but to use it in what direction- for achieving moksha or for other purposes of my life (artha,kama,karma)
You will not attain Moksha with desire in your mind for the world. So there's no cause for worry. The honest Brahmachari attains Dharma, Artha, Kama without issues.
ॐ तत् सत्
(That Supreme being is the absolute truth)