thank you for your assistance and willingness to help! I hope you are well.
Tonight, I am not so well, because lustful thoughts have again entered my mind. I'm on my third month of brahmacharya, no masturbation and being single.
I am 24 now, and have been using porn occasionally between ages 16 through 23. Today, I started fantasizing about a girl who's a college mate of mine and a lot of pre-cum was produced in my lingam. I have been fantasizing about her for a long time, and had been courting her since more than a year. She rejected me more than once, and a few months ago I was forceful to her, my lust being out of control, which motivated me to start the sexual mastery path.
The problem now is that I see her every day in classes, and sometimes I "catch" her looking at me, and once I noticed her looking at my crotch. I think she too fantasizes about me, because when I am far from her I don't usually get this aroused.
My mind sometimes tells me to go and talk to her, that maybe she would like me to be nice to her and touch her gently, and this seems true, because when I touched her like that she started giggling and laughing more than once. I also get the feeling that when I ignore her she resents me, because she likes me to chase her around.
My mind has been extremely active in the past weeks, and my thoughts not so lustful but "crowded" and loud, anyway.
How can I get this temptation under control? I pray every day to God, do regular yoga and sadhana, (but today I was a bit in a hurry) and avoid meat, which I still seldom eat. Will this lust subside with time? I am a bit concerned, because it feels uncomfortable to ignore her, after we've been nice to each other in the past.
Also, sometimes the fear of being single forever because my shyness is still there, and this seems to be the reason of my celibacy. But, celibacy is much better than masturbation, since I can't find some suitable partner right now. Why does God give me so many fears about courtship and marriage? If I am too weak-willed to be a celibate, perhaps a wife would be more helpful to serve Him.
I am grateful that God brought me to you, I hope my message wasn't too long or confusing, because right now I am extremely confused
The Ego driven mind employs different ploys to succumb. One who is in the quest of the self should be wise enough to stay clear of these tricky temptations. Root out all these fancies and stay true to Sadhana. That alone will lead to the infinite strength of the Atman (self).
ॐ तत् सत्
(That Supreme being is the absolute truth)