Celibacy/Abstinence/Dealing with guilt
Dhananjay,I feel sad almost everyday with thoughts that torture myself because I could have been practicing brahmacharya since I started to learn about it which was about 4 years ago. I think about the amount of blessings that could have come to me if I had never lost my seed. I am currently reading the Mahabharata and when I see stories of brahmacharis like Bhisma, I feel bad about my past actions. I am 20 years and 4 months old now and feel that all my life's years were lost because of it. I don't ejaculate since last year's july although I enganged myself in sex without ejaculation in the last two months, which made me feel even worst. What is your advice on how to deal with this guilty which I am feeling? Sometimes it is so extreme that I do not even want that people see me because I feel ashamed of myself and stay home all day long thinking about it, feeling impotent. I gave up everything I was going of life, including college and I now practice shirshasana and padmasana chanting japa of the Hare Krishna maha-mantra everyday for hours and read Holy books. Please give me some light about what I should do with my life and accept my humble obeisances.
There is no need to become reclusive or get depressed. True spirituality is to hold on to the Atman (self), whilst attending to one's Dharma, whatever it is. One has various responsibilities which he should attend to with cheer and commitment, yet hold on to the self through simple and unpolluted effort, with surrender to the Lord.
The past is gone and not worth worry. The present is to be utilized to move towards the self. This much suffices.
Do your Sadhana and keep yourself busy with your occupation. Set aside an hour or so for deep meditation on the formless Atman. With time, everything will come alright.
ॐ तत् सत्
(That Supreme being is the absolute truth)