Celibacy/Abstinence/My own beliefs harming me
First of all i would like to thank you for all the answers and help you provided here. I am 20 years old and struggling to understand brahmacharya. I started practicing celibacy 3 years ago but still i am not able to do it correctly. i can last for about 15-20 days only and then i fall back to my old regime of watching porn and masturbating. I am fed up with this life and often complain about depression. through these years of celibacy i have developed some sort of belief which is doing much harms than any goods. i request you to please give your opinion on it. ( i searched your previous answers already but couldn't find anything about it).
1- I understand about the prana being converted to gross semen under sexual excitation. Practically speaking i am not able to stop the sexual excitation from happening, So after some time i give up, open my computer and watch porn for hours. In the middle of this my brain recalls all the wisdom and knowledge about celibacy so it stops everything all together, shuts down the computer and ask god for forgiveness. But again my brain tells me that my prostate is already filled with all the gross semen (manufactured out of all the prana). All the prana has been used to create this gross semen. So i think whats the point of keeping gross semen when it's going to get ejaculated in wet dreams anyways? so i masturbate till the last drop of semen to clear out prostate and gross semen. Please give me your opinion on this.
2- i have noticed that when i watch porn or think about lusty thoughts for hours and stop it and ejaculate the semen few days later, semen has huge yellow jelly like substance sometimes crystal like substances (which are sometimes little painful to ejaculate). So what should i do?
is it best to ejaculate in such conditions or not. my belief says i should ejaculate and clear my prostate. Please comment.
3-If i accidentally get excited sexually, should i clear my prostate gland to remove gross semen?
These are my beliefs. Please give your best opinion on all 3 beliefs. Please i request you to understand that i know i can avoid all this together by doing yoga sadhana but i am not able to do it daily due to the above belief. Until unless i get a brief and clear answer on this i am not gonna practice celibacy. Please i request you to not to write answer in a context of avoiding all these activities all together. Please focus the content of the answer directly on my belief. Your direct approach to this will help me in breaking my beliefs. thanks you
Waiting for your wisdom to shower .... May god bless you. Om namah shivaay.
1. This how 'Maya' works. It gradually induces one to slip. The right way is to perform honest Sadhana and increase the periods in Brahmacharya, asking God nothing but residence in the self. To the one who perseveres and is honest, success eventually comes.
Do not worry. Apply the suggested Sadhana and persevere in a committed way. Things will eventually be overcome through HIS grace.
2. That is an indication of conversion of semen into stones. It is risky and dangerous. The right way is to avoid the process right from stimulation through diverting the mind onto adequate physical, mental and spiritual Sadhana.
3. He who does not transmute cannot practice Brahmacharya. The sexual energy is either transmuted or let out. It cannot be made stationary. Until and unless one transmutes existing semen into Ojas & prevents the formation of fresh fluid through Sadhana and by keeping the mind free of sexual delusion, the process cannot yield fruit.
Gradually increase residence in Brahmacharya as described in past answers with surrender to the Lord. Eventually the practice becomes stabilized.
ॐ तत् सत्
(That Supreme being is the absolute truth)