Celibacy/Abstinence/Failing at Brahmacharya
Hello sir. I am trying to practice serious celibacy from past one and half year. Two years back I was addicted of chronic masturbation habit. But somehow I got influenced with power of celibacy thought internet and various books so I started practising it pretty seriously and I could hold myself for continuous 7 months. I was following strict physical celibacy but I would still think about romantic things and a few times I would also watch porn. I broke down when I failed after 7 months but I started again with full will power but alas again I masturbated after two months, I did not give up and started again and now I again failed after three months. Later I realised I must practice full mental celibacy too, so past two months back I started again with absolute will power and complete mental abstinence and I was on the good way. I had also started doing Pranayama(30 Mins) and Meditation(10-15 mins) every day for 2 months. But yesterday something happened to me and I couldn't control myself and watched porn and read esoteric stories again and see now I have masturbated twice within past 12 Hours. This time I'm really feeling disappointed, not understanding what to do? Loosing my self esteem and confidence that I have had earned through practice of months.
I had also stopped watching television and any external thing that could trigger such thoughts but suddenly I felt extremely high urge to cares myself :'( and I am failed now. Please help me from loosing.
Sexual energy cannot be suppressed. It is to be transmuted through the complete set of Yogic Sadhana described in past answers, whereupon it redirects itself as 'Atma Shakti' (Atmic power). With such Sadhana and a lifestyle applied consistently, one should practice Brahmacharya in thought, word & deed. Then, the practice slowly stabilizes after years of efforts.
Go through each and every past answer, absorb the essence and apply with devotion to the Lord. Things come right only in case of that Sadhaka, who strives with childlike devotion and belief.
ॐ तत् सत्
(That Supreme being is the absolute truth)