Celibacy/Abstinence/Would like to share my story and ask for Dhananjayji's help
I'm 20 years old and was in the brahmacharya path from 2015's july to 2016's february living in a Hare Krishna temple as a monk and enjoying this amazing way of life. Unfortunately, in february I ended up leaving the temple because of bad association with ex-devotees when I was distributing books in the streets and was also tempted by an ex girlfriend some days before leaving the temple.
I left the temple by free will, had sex with that woman without ejaculation for some months which ended up leading me to become depressive as a toy in the hands of Maya. After some months I moved to my parent's apartment in a different city then, where I've been living since the end of may. Here I knew another woman in july which I involved myself with sexually without ejaculation until august's 23 when I finally lost my semen and felt the urgency of going back to brahmacharya's path immediately.
My perceptions then are:
Brahmacharya can really do miracles in one's life and is a gift given by the LORD to the most fortunate souls on earth.
Sex relations without ejaculation kept for many months end up harming the body, specially the prostate where I felt a lot of pain, and by far has not the same benefits as absolute brahmacharya.
To succed in brahmacharya one must keep himself in the sattva-guna platform.
One should keep himself away from individuals who criticize saintly people.
A voluntary break in brahmacharya after many months causes tons of troubles in one's path.
So, here I am again in my 17th day of brahmacharya, trying to collect the dust from the divine feet of the mahatmas and figure out what I'm going to do with my life from now on.
Please Dhananjay, give me some inspiration and blessings to go back to this divine path.
माकुरु धनजन योव्वन गर्वम्
हरति निमेशात् कालात्सर्वम् |
मायामयमिदं अखिलं हित्वाम्
ब्रह्मपदं त्वम् प्रविश विदित्वाम् ||
Do not revel or take pride in wealth, people (relationships) or the strength of youth.
All these disappear and become non-existent with time.
This whole world is nothing but 'Maya' (an unreal illusion).
Knowing it to be such, realize the Supreme Almighty and be blessed.
-- Verse 11, 'Bhajagovindam' - by Shri. AdiShankaracharya
One unknowingly takes strength and pride from his wealth, the people surrounding him (relationships) or the strength of youth, thinking all these will make his life complete and are sources of happiness. However, with the ravages of time, the wealthy man is struck by misfortune and turns a pauper. Friends and relatives turn into foes and become unhelpful. Youth is soon replaced by disease, debility and old age. This world is 'Mayamayam' (filled with Maya or the unreal). None of these were real in the first place and hence cannot give one eternal happiness. Through experience, one should realize the same and focus his energies towards realization of the Supreme, of which he is an integral part.
The road to 'Atmavidya' (residence in the self - which alone gives eternal bliss), is strewn with impediments and thorns in the form of these unreal world illusions. The wise man is ever alert and vigilant in holding himself to the path. The ways of Maya are tricky and cunning. However, he who surrenders to the Lord by giving up his Ego, who performs devoted Sadhana, asking nothing but self-realization alone, crosses this 'Samsara Sagara' (Ocean of trans-migratory existence) using the raft called Brahmacharya.
Let go of the incidents but do not forget the lessons they taught. Do the suggested Atma Sadhana with complete honesty and surrender to the Lord. Things will get back on track by HIS grace.
ॐ तत् सत्
(That Supreme being is the absolute truth)