Expert: Don - 1/9/2008

Question
ok here it is. I have been dating my girlfriend for just over a year now, and things are getting pretty serious. i don't know where to start but i guess i will start from the beginning and go from there. So we met online (i was 19 and she was 17) i am now 20 and she is 18, and it didn't take us long to meet in person. We went to a movie and had a good time. There were no big time sparks, but it didn't take long to start a relationship with one another. For the longest time, it was hard to get her attention and not easy to spend time with her. i felt like i wasn't good enough for her, and was insecure about our relationship. We were both virgins at the time, and we told one another, and let eachother know that we wanted to be until marriage. well it was 4 months into our relationship and it was still hard to spend time with her and didn't seem like she cared. well one night i  found this couple online and one thing led to another, and i ended up meeting them. they were into sexual experimenting. but in the end, i ended up losing my virginity to this wife. (everything was fine with the couple) i believe i did this partly because of the insecurity with my relationship with my girlfriend. Fast forward, and we are still together, 8 months after this event. we have been dating for a year and things are serious now. It took her a very long time to say i love you to me. She has been hurt in past relationships so it took some time. I'm at the point of where i really care for her, i love. and she loves me to death. we see eachother a lot now, and all the insecurities from before are gone. But now i don't know what to do. the last thing i want to do is hurt her, and i know if tell her, it will KILL her inside, and i can't do that. I have tried breaking up with her, because i don't want her to know about the past and don't want to hurt her that way, so i thought breaking up with her would be best so she doesn't get hurt as much. But it hurt her that i wanted to break up, so we talked about it and stayed together. A big Problem is that she doesn't trust me, mostly because of her past and things that have happened to her before me. So my dilemma is that i don't know what to do, do i tell her? and KILL her inside? do i break up? or do i keep it to myself? i cant stop thinking about it. i just know if i tell her i lost my virginity this way and all, she will just die inside. what should i do?

Answer
You've gotten away with it for the past 8 months, you shouldn't tell her at all just keep the secret forever. For one she'll be hurt that you did have sex with the wife to begin with for two she'll be even more hurt by the fact that it took you 8 months to finally tell her what you did. What would be the point of hurting her in this way. Nobody was hurt from you sleeping this woman, so why would you want to hurt your girlfriend for no reason.

Also why would you break up with her if the two of you are happy together, if the relationship is going good, then stay with her and keep the relationship.

Don't tell her and don't break up with her, just pretend like it never happened and focus on making your relationship work. The past is the past, start to live for the present and the future.