Expert: Melissa Durazo - 11/24/2008

Question
Lets just start with alittle background information. He's 29 and I'm 22. We met when he was bartending at a college bar and had a gf. We immediately hit it off and he left her for me. Things were going great. I became extremely close with his family but 6 months into it I found out he kissed another girl he met at work and had told her everything he had told me when he left his last gf. He begged for me back, I forgave him because it was just a kiss and I wasn't innocent myself and we decided to move forward.
A year later things have changed. He is now opening his own college bar and I began to not trust him again even though he didnt do anything. I started to snoop through his phone and his email. It was beginning to scare me so I tried my best to stop. I still slipped up now and then and one time found a 3am text from a girl who will be bartending for him saying "i want your cock." I was crushed but he swore it was a wrong text and was meant for someone else. A month later when I was done working I called him and he lied to me about where he was. He said he was in his car but I heard the echoing from the bathroom, he was at the bar he works at. We argued and he came home to break up with me, telling me he just needed time to himself and that there was no one else. A week went by and I was miserable but then he called and we worked things out. I was still weary that there was someone else that led to our breakup and I snooped his phone bill that was sitting on the table. The 3am text girl had been calling him every morning, day and even late night when he broke up. I confronted him not letting him know I snooped and he swore nothing happened and so did she. She actually told me she was harmless and it was immaturity and she is sorry. But I can't help but think that no one calls late night for no reason or to just flirt. It makes it worse that he said he didnt talk to her but his phone bill says he did for 12 minutes at 2:30AM.  
I am so insecure with this bar opening that he will cheat again and I don't know if I can handle it again. I love him and he has become my best friend but I'm scared of being hurt. He has apologized for being a bad boyfriend in the past but swears things have changed. He tells me he loves me more than ever and wants to marry me and take care of me. I'm inlove with him, miserable with how he can hurt me me, and stuck with insecurity and trust issues. I'm kind of scared to keep bringing it up to him because it just starts an argument. Is there away to work on my trust and talk things out without either of us getting upset.PLEASE HELP!

Answer
Trust is the #1 important thing in a relationship..Without trust, you have nothing to base your relationship on.....Perhaps, you should consider couples counseling...That should clear up any insecurities you ,might have....That should help him in the honesty dept.
If that doesn't help, then, there isn't much you can do.....He hasn't given you a reason to trust him. And, he at the least, owes you some peace of mind....Talk to him about the counseling...If he truly wants to work things out with you, he will understand and be apart of something that could help strengthen your relationship.....
Good luck.....
~ Melissa