About Don Expertise I will answer any and all questions when it comes to catching a cheater or ways to get away with cheating.
Experience I have successfully cheated in 10 out of 10 relationships without ever being caught, so I know all the signs of a person who is cheating and I also know how not to be caught. So if you need help in getting away with cheating or if you suspect your bf/gf or spouse of cheating and want help spotting the signs of a cheater I'm your man.
Question I am looking for advice on how I should approach a situation that may look like one thing (cheating) but may actually be another so that I can make a wise choice.
A few months ago, I got back with my old boyfriend. I had previously broken up with him "out of the blue" and I recognize that he has a lot of anxiety about me suddenly rejecting him again. (He brings it up quite a bit.) (He has never been married.) We are both in our mid-forties.
I have my own issues in the relationship in that I come from a pretty dysfunctional family and trust is a challenge for me. I have seen a therapist for years and have gotten a lot better -- but it still lingers and I need to be mindfull about it. (I am divorced)
So this is where the question of cheating comes in...
Virtually, every week, something appears in his house that would indicate that another woman has been there (i.e., other women's jewelry, cards from other women, clear nail polish, old tooth brush) or he does something that could be interpreted as he being with some one else. When I bring it up -- he always has an explanation and just shrugs it off to "bad housekeeping", being moody so he did not answer the phone, etc. Individually, each explanation is plausible but the frequency and growing pattern is what is unnverving.
In my heart of hearts, I do not think he was cheating -- I think?. Also, he is a very smart guy and if he was cheating, I think that he would do a better job of hiding it -- may be?
That said, infidelity is part of my trigger and I am having a harder and harder time holding on to my trust. After one of the more recent things that I found, a sweetest day card from another woman which he claims was from last year but sweetest day this year had just been about 2 weeks before, I confronted him pretty directly about the growing trust issue and he just got angry and said I need to decide whether I trust him or not.
Recently, I have started thinking about breaking it off again. But I am hesitant because I feel like he is creating this self-fulfilling prophency of me leaving him again. (Confirming the script that already plays in his head.) The stuff is just left out so blatantly but he is also incredibly absent minded that may be hiding the stuff just slips his mind. (My friends are pressuring me to end it. Their take is if it walks like a duck, quacks like a duck, it is a duck.)
At this point, I guess I am feeling just scared and hurt.
Any advice on how I should proceed?
Answer I agree with your friends, if it walks like a duck, quacks like a duck then it's a duck. Bad housekeeping doesn't explain toothbrushes, cards and nail polish. If these things only happened once in a blue moon then you could possibly believe him but if it is really happening every single week then you should see the signs and realize that he just might no be faithful. It might be time to let him go.
