Expert: Don - 2/28/2008

Question
Good day!

I have this first girlfriend of mine. Our relationship lasted 3 1/2 years. It's a long distance relationship and we see each other every after 3/4/5 months but we communicate regularly. She is in the province and I'm working in the city. In our 3 years, our relationship was terrific, we loved each other very much, and we have dreams, plans for our future. Last year I enrolled in graduate studies and she took review for her board exam and we failed to see each other for 9 months. At that time, I can feel she is seeing someone and sleeping with him. She told me she have this guy and is a friend of her only.

December 2007 came and we broke up, she told me she needs space but told me to wait for few months and we will be together again. It was January 2008 she allowed me to court her again so we can start our relationship again. So I courted her. February came and I discovered she have this 3rd party guy as her boyfriend since June 2007. So she has been with him long before our break up in Dec 2007. The guy is not good looking but is a little wealthy. She told me she is not after of money. She told me she already slept with that guy several times. I was hurt like I'm dying. It was they I realized that all her answers to my questions before were all lies. It's like its so easy for her to lie, she is not used to it before. I told her I am willing to forgive and accept her back. She told me she prefers to be with the 3rd party guy and want us to be friends for now, she has plan to come back to me in the future so she told me to wait for her. I told her It hurts to me waiting for them, it's impossible. I feel like she like the guy and she doesn't want to let go of me.

So I went home after 9 months to see her and to talk over our problems. I told her to make her final decision, I'm willing to let go of her he she says so. I talk to her 2 hours letting her realize her mistakes and how I really loved her and how miserable she is to the other guy. I knew the guy has a nasty records and my GF also knew that but seem to ignore. She realized and decided to break up with the guy and made me wait again for 2 months. She told me she needs time to recover and she is not yet ready for any relationship because she's been crying a lot since me and the guy is imposing on her and she don't know from whom to believe and to follow.

I return to the city to work again, she told me the guy is still texting and calling her but they are only friends now. The bottom line was she doesn't to accept the guy any longer and she want me to wait for her for 2 months until she is ready. She assured me that after 2 months we will be together again. Sometimes she said she has not plan of getting they guy back, sometimes she says she has plan. To trap her, I told her I'm willing to wait for her even if she accepts the guy back, she told me if that would be the case maybe she has plan. I feel like she want the guy back for her if I will wait for her, but if I will not wait for her she wont accept the guy back. Maybe the 2 months I would spend waiting for her would be used by her to get back to the guy for a short time because the guy is about to go abroad. Yesterday she changed her mind and told me she want to focus on her first job and want me to wait for her until she is already stable or sometime next year. I feel like she is already serious now that she is not getting the guy back since she already starts to show some interest on me, the way she talk on the phone I believe she is serious now. I kept on praying for her to change for good.

I want to move on and forget her but It's way too hard, I love her very much. All of our happy memories keep coming back and I just can't stop them. I'm very much affected, lost my appetite and spirit to work and live. I can't imagine my life without her. All dreams and plans seem to be gone.


1. Do I have to wait for her or try hard to move on?
2. What do you think of her plans for me?
3. Is she still hiding something from me?
4. What is the 2 months or 1 year really means? Possible
  reasons?
5. How will I know if she is cheating again? In what way  
  I can trap her?
6. Is her making friends to the guy still a threat for us?
  (The guy is also her long distance BF before, I and she
   live in same town in province, the guy lives very far
   from us.)
7. Would it be good to stay with her or just find someone
  new?
8. Can she still be changed and  become a good wife in the
  future?
9. Did she cheat only because we are in a long distance
  relationship and failed to see each other longer time?
10. How will I deal with her or how will I deal with
   myself in this type of situation?

Thank you so much and God Bless!

Answer
1. You shouldn't wait for her, you shouldn't have to put your life on hold waiting for her to decide between you and some other guy. She has already chosen the other guy because she dumped you to be with him to begin with, stop wasting your life waiting for somebody else to choose you, be a man and move on with your life.

2. Her plan for you is to toy around with your feelings and make you look like an idiot, only to go back to the other guy. She's just making her ego bigger by making you wait like a fool.

3. Yes she's hiding the fact that she is still with the other guy and has no intention of getting back with you.

4. She's seeing how long you'll be an idiot and wait for her, it's all a game to her.

5. You won't know and you'll never be able to tell because you still won't be living in the same place.

6. If she cared or respected your relationship, she wouldn't be friends with a person she cheated on you with. It's disrespectful to you for her to be friends with somebody that had a negative effect on your relationship with each other.

7. It's best for you to find somebody new, hopefully somebody who lives in the same town you live in, long distance relationships almost never work.

8. No she will never be a good wife, she will forever be a cheat and if you wait for her it shows her that you will not stand up to her and she can boss you around for the rest of your life.

9. No she cheated because she's selfish and she likes to have any and everything she wants out of life.

10. Deal with her by cutting her out of your life, don't call her and don't answer her calls. Tell her it's over and then ignore her and move on with your life.

You need to act like a grown man and dump her and keep it moving.