Expert: Don - 2/3/2008

Question
I am a 22 year old college student and two years ago I met the girl of my
dreams.  We started dating, everything was great.  Her family is perfect and
love me and my family also love her and me being with her. She  will do
anything for me and loves me with all of her heart.  I had a very drunk run in
with an ex girlfriend after dating my current gf for about a year and a half.  I
ended up having sex with my ex, even though we didnt ever when we dated
and I broke up with my ex because she cheated on me.  I felt horrible about it,
now im the cheater, but I didnt want to tell my current gf.  I started feeling
too bad about it and I was trying to figure out if maybe i was just interested
in other girls or sex or what but i cant figure it out.  My girlfriend is great in
bed and is a perfect 10 in looks and I shouldn't have a reason to be looking
for anything else.  Eventually, I broke up with her and told her that I didnt
have time for her because of my busy schedule.  I just care about her too
much and don't want to hurt her.  She sees me as being with her forever.  I
just couldnt tell her the truth and didnt want to hurt her.  About 6 months
have gone by since the breakup and in the meantime she still loves me and
we hang out often and still have a friendship and after a few months of
breakup we have a sexual relationship now too which i I first tried to avoid.  I
have also hung out with other girls during this time, not sex but other just
fooling around.  I know that I really love her, but I dont know why i resort to
other women.  I keep telling myself that I will just stop hanging out with any
other girls and just be true to her.  When I drink, i just like to go out with
friends and flirt with girls even though they are never anything as great as my
girlfriend.  I am just confused at how I should continue on with this.  Deep
down, I can see myself marrying this girl and being with her forever and she
would love the same.  I just have the most guilty conscience and I know that
she would not understand if i told her about other girls.  she would definitely
not want to be with me.  I feel like I am breaking her heart though by being
her friend and not her boyfriend like she really wants me to.  what should I
do????  I dont know whether to date her or to continue what im doing and see
how it unfolds or to stop messing around with her completely and leading
her on and just tell her that i can not ever be with her.  help me please!

Answer
To be fair to her and her feelings, if you aren't ready to be fully committed to her and only her then you need to let her go until you are. You can't have it all, you can't keep her waiting for you to decide you want to be with her and at the same time hanging out with other women.

If you feel you need to be with other women and aren't ready to be with her solely then, you should tell her that the two of you should not hang around each other and encourage her to live her life until you are ready.

Don't hurt her more by keeping her around and not committing to her, it's better for you to just let her go and enjoy life instead of leading her on.

When you feel you are ready to settle down with her and her alone, then come back to her and if it's meant to be she'll still be there but don't mistreat her and lead her on.