Expert: Don - 2/13/2008

Question
For the past year and a half, I have been living with my girlfriend who is now my fiance, my dilema entials the discovery that during this 18 month co-habitation, she has had sex with at least two other men on at least four occasions and lied about it until the bitter end.  She now admits what she did and claims to be sorry.  I admit that I was not the most attentive man I could have been, , Also one of her parents died during all of this.I guess I kind of ignored her sometimes. But when I pressed her for reasons, all she could say was that it was because "we were fighting". Now I'm left with the hardship of being mature enough to understand why/how some of these things can happen, and the torturous images of them in my head. Moreover she has begun to treat me like I should lose the priveledges and freedoms that she surrendered, merely because she couldn't be trusted to operate faithfully.  I dont want to give up my autonomy.  I did nothing wrtong.  Is there any advice you can give me regarding how I should proceed, or not?

Answer
First off, she has no excuse for cheating no matter how attentive you are. That's just an excuse people feel they can use to cheat and not feel guilty about it.

As far as her trying to stop you from doing things, you just have to explain to her, that she's the one that messed up, not you and you shouldn't have to be punished for her mistakes. Then you just have to live the way you want and not let her control your actions just because she can't control herself.

Stand up to her and tell her that you aren't going let her run your life and tell you what you can and can not do.