Expert: Don - 2/1/2008

Question
We've been married 11 years. Were together since highschool for a total of 20 years.I've never doubted him before EVER. In the last year, he has been distant. Last Friday, I found emails to/from the girlfried before me (which made them 15 at the time) dating back over a year. In one, he told her he loved her, realized she was probably always the one for him, etc. In April he sent her a picture of our son and said "just think...he could've been ours". She lives in CT. He travels that area for his job. He expects me to belive he hasn't seen her. Only talked and emailed. He admitted they've talked weekly since July of this year. He says he probably wanted to get caught b/c he didn't know how else to talk to me about how unhappy he was. He says he reached out to her b/c of our financial situation. I have not always been the best at managing money. Right now, I can't stand to look at him. I don't know if I'll ever be comfortable and confident. The last year has been a lie.

Answer
To answer your question, it appears he did at least have an emotional affair with this woman and quite possibly a physical one. But you already knew that as he told you that he's been in contact with her and you saw the e-mail where he admits to loving her. So you know he has been having an emotional affair.

What you need to focus on is if your marriage is over or not. You need to ask your husband if he wants to continue with this relationship and if he does the two of you need to engage in some kind of marriage counseling to find out where the two of you went wrong and when he became unhappy.