Expert: Melissa Durazo - 3/19/2008

Question
I was with my boyfriend for 3 months when i found an e-mail that he had written to an old "friend" telling her that he was sorry he had a girlfriend, he still loved her and maybe one day they could be together.  So i confronted him about it.  He told me he didn't mean it, he was sorry and I was the only one who mattered.  3 more months went by and i had to leave the state for my cousins wedding.  I come back and he is acting funny.  I let it go a month later he breaks down in tears telling me how sorry he is that he slept with two people at the same time in my bed in my apartment while i was at my cousins wedding.  At this time i know i should have kicked him to the curb; but i didn't.  

A month and a half after that I set up a fake account online and started talking to him.  Nothing suggestive, simply asked him if he had a girlfriend.  He said "yes but i wouldn't mind snooping around behind her back.  Here is my number xxx-xxxx, here is my e-mail xxx@xxx.xxx.  Text me sometime, send a pic of yourself".  When I confronted him he told me that it was not real just an Internet thing.
Since then i cant even count how many times we have broken up and gotten back together.



I truly care about him, I love him.  However, I can't bring myself to trust him again.  I don't know if it is because I know that he doesn't deserve me and all that I do for him.  And if he really loved me he would have never done it.  Or if it is because I am relying on him to keep me company.  

I know that I do not need him.  What I can't figure out is if I want him.  If I knew that I could trust him again it would make my decision easier.  So I guess my question is how do i trust him when he tells me he is done with all of these other people.  How do I forgive all of the hurtful things that he has said and done to me?

Answer
Hi Morgan,
It looks to me that he is taking advantage of your love and kindness. He does not deserve you and you really don't need a man like that. He's already proven to you he is not trust worthy. And, since you didn't put a stop to it form the beginning, he feels the right to do this to you over and over again. Because , there is no respect for you.
You need to be a strong woman and walk away from this horrible relationship. He is playing your mind and emotions and that is not healthy for you. That is going to break you down and make you question your womanhood and you don't want that to happen. Break away while you still have your dignity. I know you love him. I know you can't stay away from him. But, in the long run, it is going to be the best thing for you. And, you will leave yourself open to a better man who will love you for you and not take advantage of you.
Demand respect. Don't let him demand your devotion when he intends not to give any of that back to you. Stand up for yourself and stop the cycle of lies and hurt.
You don't need a man to be happy. Love yourself and take care of yourself first. Don't depend on someone else to make you happy. You need to make your own happiness. That's the only way you are going to grow and evolve into a strong and beautiful woman.
Good luck and keep me posted.....
~ M