Expert: Melissa Durazo - 3/23/2008

Question
My story is long and complicated but its a doozy to me. A year and a half ago my so-called friend used me to sleep with my boyfriend. She then denied it happened when she was asked about it, although i over heard a phone call proving it because I refused to believe it myself. My boyfriend made the call and I just listened in. I left my boyfriend but took him back a few months later because he told me he had changed and I believe(d) him. She avoided us like the plague for months until she started dating a friend of ours and there she was back in our life again. They broke up after a few months because of their fighting, which I recently found out was because of her constant talking about my boyfriend. My boyfriend and I then moved in together and my boyfriends best friend became our roommate. It was really good for the first few months and then out of the blue we find out that our roommate and her have been talking since August. We moved into the house in July. They started dating and to save my sanity I was forced to kick out our roommate, who now hates me and thinks I am overreacting. We moved my boyfriends other best friend in a month after the other one moved out and now out of the blue she started having problems with her boyfriend and our new roommate is her shoulder to cry on. Our new roommate and her are not romanticly involved but I am starting to lose my mind again. I can't sleep and its affecting every aspect of my life. Is she trying to manipulate her way back in or is it time to try and forgive and forget??

Answer
I think it is time that you & your boyfriend found a place of your own without any room mates and cut all ties with this woman. It is obvious what she is doing. And, manipulating her way into your life is the only way she is going to cause you and your relationship harm. It looks as if your man wants nothing to do with her , too. And, whatever he did with her in past, he has learned his lesson. She on the other hand, just doesn't want to go out that easily. So, she manipulates the situation and worms her way back into your lives by using your friends and/or room mates. Get a restraining oder. And, no, you are NOT over reacting. You see what no one else sees. A manipulative, obsessive individual who can't let things go.
If your boyfriend is willing to co-operate with you, get that restraining order. Let your/his friends know what is up and to respect your wishes if they are really your friends. Put an end to her obsession with  your boyfriend. Confront her with your boyfriend and tell her to stay out of your lives. If that does not work, get the restraining order.
It is not a coincidence that she keeps popping up in your lives over and over again. Don't allow her to run your life. Don't allow her to ruin your relationship after you've worked so hard to patch things up with your man. And, she needs to stop seducing your man's friends.....
Good luck to you, sweetie.....Keep me posted on the situation. And, remember, don't allow her to make you feel powerless. Take back your life!
~ M