Expert: Melissa Durazo - 3/30/2008

Question
Hi! I have been engaged since December 28th of last year. Everything was going great. But then my fiancee had to move out of the house he was living in because it was not his home and the owners were going to sell it.

He then decided to move from New Jersey to North Carolina to live with his sister. He had plans of buying an apartment so that we could live together once i graduate from college in 2 years. It's been a month without seeing him already, I miss him but for the last 3 days, he's been talking hours on the phone with a co-worker named Melissa from work.

The other day, he went out to the club and i asked him who did he go with. He told me he met up with her and 3 of his male coworkers. Now, i asked him what kind of music they play over there and he said " Oh they play music like ' Shake ur ass, watch ur self" hip-hop music..And that Melissa girl who went with him, she's black, so i kno she musta been shakin her ass all up on my man.

The thought of that got me mad and i asked him "Oh so u had that girl dancing all up on you right??" and he said "Yea she was, you got a fucking problem with that?"

He's never acted like that before, and it broke my heart to hear him say that. At that moment i felt like my worst fears had came true, that he found someone else....but i'm not sure...what do you think?

Answer
Hi Laura,
I know that this is the worst feeling in the world. And, having your man act so unlike himself must be painful for you. Since, I have been in the same place you are now, it is possible that he is having a some sort of a fling with his co-worker. His reaction and disrespect says it all. And, he may try to blame you for his actions. I have a feeling that this other woman is filling his head up with a lot of negative things about his relationship with you. And, your man, is just trying to make up any excuse to justify his fling with her.
You need to have him come clean with you. Ask him if he is having a fling behind your back. And, if he gets defensive or verbally abusive with you, it is possible that he is. You have every right to know whether your man is disrespecting you behind your back.
You don't need this kind of betrayal and you don't need someone who is going to disrespect you when you ask them for an honest answer.
Find out the truth and make your decision about your relationship based on his answer. And, if he isn't having a fling, he will assure you that you can trust him. Not get upset at you for asking.
Good luck & take care & keep me posted on the outcome. And, remember, you are a strong and beautiful woman and you don't need a man to validate you.
~ M