Expert: Melissa Durazo - 4/2/2008

Question
Hi, I had a long distance relationship for ten years, the guy was in the military and he and his wife babysit for my children when i was in the military.  after i got out we began corresponding. he told me he was divorced and lived in d.c.  i thought he was a nice guy and i started dating him.  We never lived together and it was always something related to his job that stopped us from getting married.  I I knew his x-wife and she and her daughters live in Arkansas.  After ten years one day out of the blue he stopped calling me.  He stopped returning my phone calls as well.  Out of curiosity, I white paged his wives name in Arkansas and found that they were both listed at the property address.  He lives in D.C. and is always traveling.  That was his reason to me and I'm sure to her that it was better to stay near our home towns.  Looking back there were several indications he was married, but each time I confronted him, he explained it away.  I never thought he would lie to me.  He wasn't the most attractive person, and I thought he was a sure bet in that he would never cheat on me.  I have a lot of pictures and his clothes.  I would like to send them to his wife with a letter.  But I'm afraid he is the one at fault and it is not his kids or wife that did anything wrong he did.  I don't know what to do.  I feel bad that I wasted ten years of my life with a liar.

Answer
Hi Lisa,
I'm so sorry that jerk wasted 10 years of your life.
Now, that you know his lie.......I can imagine how hurt you are.
And, sending all your pictures and letters to his wife with a letter is very tempting. But, you are right, his children and wife are not at fault. But, either way, someone is going to be hurt.
I suggest, sending his belongings directly to him. If you wish to vent your frustration out in a letter, do so. But, make sure the box and letter are addressed to him. If his wife happens to come upon the box, he will have to explain things to her. Instead of you being the bearer of bad news.
Stay strong and don't give up on love. Sometimes, things happen we have no control of. This was one situation you really didn't have any control of. He lied. He gave you legit excuses for every thing you questioned. If he has stopped contacting you all together.....Your closure would have been to confront him. Now, your closure will have to be sent in a box addressed to his home address, addressed to him. Just be tactful in your letter. And, don't let this experience bring you down. You no longer have him in your life to prevent you from living the life you were meant to live.....10 years is a long time, but, you will over come this. All it takes is strength and knowledge to know you don't need a man to make you happy.....
Take care & good luck.....
~ M