Expert: Melissa Durazo - 4/19/2008

Question
This story is a very long and complicated one but one filled with flags - so I'll give you the short and long of it - my ex-wife is a stripper we had a son together and she had a child from a previous relationship - she met a 50 year old man (she is 25 I'm 32) and had an affair with him - then left me with the two children and took up with this man - I HATE him and I HATE her (and I know hate is a strong word but there is no other way to describe what I feel) the other  man is a non-variable I try to not make him into one anyway and luckily I have not ever met the man.

It has only been 4 months since she left me - when she left she was very dishonest in the way she left - she told me that "she wasn't good enough for me and that I deserved true happiness" - it was by total mistake that I found out about this man I opened up Internet Explorer to check my email in hotmail and it was signed into her account - in it was an email from this man - I asked her about it and she denied that she was doing anything with him - but the email was very descriptive of things that had happened and how she was planning on bringing him to my house to have sex w ith him when I was out of town.

I wish I had never seen those emails - I make her into a non-factor in my day to day life but she still pushes herself on my day to day routine with the kids - like for example "You need groceries? what happened to all that food in the freezer?" things like that which make me upset because it is none of her concern - she does not provide me with Child support as she says she is going to - and basically she is off scott free living her life.

How do I deal with the feeling of rage I feel toward her? How do I nicely tell her to stop poking her nose into my business? How do I calm myself so when she is near me I don't want to strangle her? How do I manage to get myself together when we are in front of the kids so they don't pick up on the tension?

Please help!
Ted


Answer
HAve you gone to court on this matter? Perhaps, yuo need a mediator and court to help you out in regards to the kids and spousal support. If she makes more than you, she just may have to give you financial support.
I wish I could tell you you will get over this easily. But, it sin't going to happemn. You neeed to give yuorself time to heal. ANd perhaps, a coulselor can help you deal with your emotions.
Spend time with yoru kids, fill your days with them. Enjoy them. Love them. I can imagine how traumatic this may be for them, too.
All it takes is a strong heart to move forward and not look back. She has done what she has done. It can not be changed. But, you can change how you are going to feel about yourself and your situation.
And, hating her and the other guy is normal.....Just don't let if fill your life. Or, you will never heal.......
You d deserve better....And, she did you a favor.....Show your kids you can be a strong man and a strong father they can look up to....
Keep me posted and take care.....
~ M