Expert: Melissa Durazo - 4/30/2008

Question
My boyfriend an I have been together for a year and a half. The first incident, my suspicions rose when i was on his computer one day and he freaked out and told me to log out. I decided to investigate and found he had emailed an ex fling and asked for naked photos and described sexual positions with her as well as writing to a co worker about how he doubted the love he had for me. He did not admit to anything until i went through his email in his presence. We decided to work things out and continue. After that our new conflict were a few inapropriate flirting sessions with girls that went on as i sat in the same room. I explained my uncomfotableness and we worked on the relationship. About 4 or 5 months ago a he was flirting with a new girl but at this point i had decided that my boyfriend was just a naturale flirt and he would move on from this too. One day he showed up to my job for a visit and admited to me he had been wrestling with this girl. I explained I was not ok with that, he told me it was innocent and something that happened while his roomates were around. I later found out from a different source that it happened in his room while they were alone he iniciated it, groped her in the process and asked for a kiss where she ultimately had scratched him. Of course i was upset and decided to not talk to him the rest of the day. He continued to call me and leave me messages that he was sorry, didn't mean it, and loved me" Finally the next day i decided to answer his call. We met at his home where he admited to me the night we hadn't talked he kissed her. What i later found out happened was that he called her into his room they kissed and she spent the rest of the night in his bed. He swears they didn't have sex, is sorry and blames it on alcohol. Since then we are trying to work things out but now a new girl seems to be creepin into the picture and I quickly got on the mission to find out if this was another shady incident waiting to happen. Again I read a sent email where he told this girl that he loved her and was excited about a date he had planned with her. I told him what i had found and his explantion was that it isn't really a date just hanging out and he told her he loved her because she was going through a rough break up and he wanted let her know he was there for her.
I am at the point of going crazy. i just need someone to validate my anger. Should I be mad? Do you think more then just kissing happened with the previous girl? And finally is this a lose cause, should i just work on moving on?

Answer
I think you need someone to validate what you already know deep in heart to be true. He is cheating on you and for some unknown reason, he is trying to keep you on the sidelines all to himself.
I use to catch my ex lying to me all the time....One time, I even managed to get actual proof that he was cheating on me And he claimed that was not him in the phone conversation. His excuses went from the lame to the ridiculous. But, I ate them up, because I always wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt. I took his crap for 3 years.
Your man is cheating on you. Plain and simple. And, yes, I believe this is a losing battle. You are only harming yourself. And, in the end, the only one who is going to be benefiting is him.
You have your proof. Now, it's up to you to eliminate him out of your life. Other wise, you're going to have quite a life being an emotional human ping pong ball.......You don't want to be that girl who eagerly awaits her man to come home to them, after he has been cheating on her all night....Do you?
I know you are stronger than that. And, you need to show that jerk that you are done with him walking all over you. You deserve better. You deserve respect. You deserve to be happy.
You can be happy with out him. You just have to believe it yourself. The first steps are going to e hard. He's going to do a 180 and promise you the world, the stars and the heavens.....But, you'll be smarter the next time around. And, tell him not to let the door hit his ass on the way out......
You can be an independent woman......Now it's time to act on that.
Good luck!
~ M