Expert: Melissa Durazo - 5/2/2008

Question
Dear Melissa,
I'm seventeen and I've been with my current boyfriend for almost four months. Thing have been really great generally. We fight here and there about normal things. Recently my mother discovered a note from my guy to my SISTER about an encounter between them. Earlier in our relationship we'd gotten into a fight while  at his house and I left. My sister was with me but she stayed behind to console him and,as far as I know, they only kissed. Upon finding out I was, naturally, furious. Why didn't he come to me and tell me? We had fought over his ex before (that's another story for another  time) and I stress and stress that if he's just honest with me we'd work it out. I've had a bit of time to think it over and I want to stay with him...but am I being naive? I want to believe he won't ever lie to me again. What should I do?? We've talked about it alot and we just can't seem to get past it. Help.

Answer
First of all, your sister crossed the line. And, your mother, although, she meant well, should not have gotten involved in this by showing you a note that was not addressed to her. It was addressed to your sister. And, your sister and only your sister should have been the one to have told you the truth.
Now that the truth is out. Should you stay with the guy? I don't believe there is a future with him. He not only cheated, he broke a cardinal rule...You never go after your girlfriend's sibling. And, your sibling should never go after your guy. No matter what the circumstances are, she should have never put herself in a situation where she would betray your trust.
You are seventeen. You have a whole life of falling in and out of love. Enjoy being a teen. You really don't need this drama in your life at your age. You'll have plenty of drama when you are an adult. I know that at 17, one guy is everything.
Hey, when I was 32, I felt ONE guy was my everything. But, in the end, it all comes down to your happiness and well being. You can't build your world around one person. Because you will be disappointed.
He betrayed your trust. He cheated in you, with your sister of all people. And, kept it a secret from you.
You deserve respect and you deserve better. Had he been upfront with you from the beginning, perhaps, things would be different. But, he got caught. And, that is the only reason he has come clean with you. Without that note, you would of never known and neither your guy or sister would of never told you.
Work on being an independent woman. Be strong. If you go back to him, you will give the impression that anyone can walk all over you. And, that is not an option. Just surround yourself with friends who really care about you. Go out and have fun. You really don't need emotional drama, especially someone else's drama on your plate.
Good luck....And, talk with your sister and get things straighten out. Because after all, she is still your sister and no guy is worth fighting over.
Take care....
~ M