Expert: Melissa Durazo - 5/11/2008

Question
I met this guy and really hit it off with him. We ended up talking for hours,etc. After a little while it was apparent we both started having feelings for each other... we had become great friends first. He had just been divorced for a year, and I knew he was very hesitant to get into a relationship- and was not looking for one. I too had just been in a relationship that was horrible about a year ago- I wasn't "looking" for a relationship either. However, feelings still were strong and became stronger. He told me he was going out of state for 2 weeks for his work and would be back then. When he left he said he would not be hooking up with any women bc he was not looking for that. By this time, we had already been sleeping with each other. He went out of state and ended up staying longer. He told me over the phone that he loved me. For the first time. Toward the end of the trip, he wanted me to come up there with him ( I had never seen snow, never been on a plane, etc) so it was a big deal for me. I rearranged a lot to do that. Later I find out he did not go up there for business but to look into moving there. He told me there was a good chance he could end up moving there bc of business- but didnt disclose all the truth. When we got home, his email was logged in, which i thought was mine and I saw an email. Being that it totally caught me off guard , i opened it. It was a girl that was in lingerie half nude. Apparently, he met her up there off Plenty of Fish website and had sex with her. Worst of all, it was the night before I got there- she stayed overnight (he said she slept on the couch) and left that morning i came. It hurt so bad to see that. Also, she gave him Clamydia (spell?)- which in turn gave that to me. He told me it was his ex wife that gave it to him and she was just now finding out (previously). I confronted him, he lied repeatedly, then confessed. He said he wanted to tell me but didn't want to loose me. He said he went up there to get away and figure things out bc the feelings he had for me scared him. He told me the sex did not last long at all, he didnt enjoy it and he didn't have an orgasm. Whether or not all that is true- i don't know. All I know is I really think he loves me in my heart- but my mind wont let it go. And I know I love him. He has grown attached to my son ( which I was scared about at the beginning-but now comfortable with it). I don't want to ruin this relationship bc it could be the best thing in my life- how can I really overcome this?

Answer
He not only lied and cheated on you......He gave you an STD.....ENOUGH SAID!
He doesn't deserve a chance and if you want this type of man raising your son....Then, by all means, allow him back into your life.....Careless, men like that do not deserve second chances.....I'm sorry, cheating is bad enough by itself......Messing with your health is worse and unforgivable......
Take care of your STD....Say goodbye to him....And, stop worrying about ruining a relationship he has ALREADY RUIN.....
You and your son deserve better respect and treatment.

~ M