Expert: Don - 5/17/2008

Question
Hi Don,
I hope you can help me with some advice about my situation. Its such a long complicated story.
I am 21 and was with my boyfriend for 4 years. Every thing was going just fine an i completely trusted him, was always there for him would do anything for him. he had been going away a few weekends for boxing and never spent sundays with me as he had training. One saturday he was with me and we were looking through his phone when i saw a name that just made my heart beat so fast and i had no idea why. I asked him who it was, (it was saved in his phone as a place name rather than persons name) he said it was some one from boxing who he had met in that town (a guy) so i said ok but still had a strange feeling and i remembered the number and called it only to hear a girls voice. Straight away i was a bit suss but thought oh there must be a simple explanation for it. As time went on and my bf left on the sunday it was the only thing i could think about. I spoke to one of my friends who said it did sound weird and she offered to call the number for me and ask the girl how she knew my bf. So then the story became clear. This girl who i have never met, said her and my bf met on a weekend away (he was at boxing she was at a hen night) and that they kissed that night. she went on to say they were txting loads since and had met up once since. So right away i got on to my boyfriend and said what is going on and asked for an explanation. He said he had never heard from her and stated that he was txting a guy on that number and that maybe he was borrowing her phone. this went on for 2 days and i thought ok, maybe my bf is telling the truth and he made me feel bad for not trusting him so i said ok we'll stay together but we still have t get to the bottom of this. My bf at this stage had held my hands and sworn on my life and is parents life that he didnt know her. The next day, the girl got in touch with me and said she can meet me and show me the messages he had been sending her and she told me that when they met up, all about where they went, wat he wore, that his bro dropped him to town etc. So i called my bf again and said just be truthfull for once, for me and tell me the truth. He then admitted to meeting her on that weekend that he was out with her but didnt kiss her and that he had been txting her a lot arranging to meet up on a sunday but said he never went through with it. Even now 2 and a half weeks later he still wont admit kissing her or meeting up with her. I just dont know what to do as he lied so so much and this girl has no reason to lie to me either. On top of all this my nan passed away and i am trying my best to sit end of year exams in college this week. All i can think about is what is the real truth and what should i do.

Thanks so much for taking the time to read my mail i really appreciate it,

Niamh

Answer
If I were you I would break up with him because he's a liar and a cheater. You already caught him in one lie so why would you be so quick to believe another lie he has told. He already lied about even knowing who the girl was so of course he is lying about kissing her. If you stay with him he's just going to continue to lie to you over and over again.

Also this is just the first time you have caught him in a lie, how do you know he hasn't been out kissing girls all along and this is just the first time that you have caught him in one of these situations.

Watch out for this guy because he's only going to end up hurting you.