Expert: Don - 5/20/2008

Question
I dated a guy for 5 months.Literally the day after we started his psychotic,desperate ex kept texting him,sending him pictures and calling him.She started going to his church just to see him,and told all of his family these ridiculous accusations(e.g.,I'm a hardcore drug user&has had multiple sex partners).I didn't even know this girl's last name,only that I used to go to school with her!I like to play around&whenever my boyfriend tried to tell me something I would listen,but still always joke around,and he apparently assumed I never was really there for him.Two&a half months after we started dating, he started sleeping with his ex.He later said it started because she'd always listen&come over if ever he needed it.I was always suspicious,and one day I looked through his phone&found text messages to her about her coming over after I left,and ones about her not coming over on certain nights because sometimes I liked to 'suprise' him after I got off work.I broke up with him,but two weeks later we were back together because,well..I wanted to believe so badly that we could be together and never have any more trouble.I'd never been cheated on before.Things didn't get better because I was still so hurt by everything that I always threw it in his face that he'd cheated. It didn't help that his ex STILL incessantly called him. So I left him a month later because I wasn't happy..a month&a half afterward he called me telling me how miserable he was,how he wanted us so bad&that it wouldn't be like how we dated previously.I told him this was the last time we would get back together,and I meant it.A week later he tells me that he loves me&he'd felt that way for a few weeks&that's why he tried to get me to talk to him again.Suddenly his ex bombards my email,telling me that a week after we broke up the second time they started sleeping together.She also shared all of these stories that she claimed he told her but that I'd never heard. About how he'd been going out partying,sleeping with at least 4 girls(all of whom he couldn't really remember,he was so drunk),and that he loved her.I called her up&we didn't fight,but told each other things that he'd said to us which didn't match up at all.That night,I made him call her on my phone to straighten things out.Suddenly her voice went from accusatory(towards him)to almost soft and breathy,which made me suspicious about her.He told her that no,he never said he loved her and he'd never slept with four other girls.He did admit to sleeping with her,even up to the time that he told me he 'realized'he loved me,but didn't stop having sex because he 'thought I'd never speak to him again'.That REALLY gets to me,because when I was ever in love I never even noticed other guys,much less slept with anyone else.He then said he's willing to do whatever it takes to make our relationship last&that he loves me alot.I feel like I believe parts of what both of them have said,but I hurt because I want to believe him fully and I can't.I'm really torn and not sure in what direction exactly to move.What's your take on this?

Answer
I think he's a liar and a cheat and someone you shouldn't even be wasting your time on. He's already lied and cheated on you in the past only to have you come back to him and for him to lie again. That's called a pattern and he has a pattern of hurting you. Why would you want to take him back just so he can hurt you again. It's time for you to stand up for yourself and leave this guy alone. It's obvious that he doesn't really love you or he wouldn't keep running back to his ex-girlfriend and he definitely wouldn't be sleeping with her.

It's time for you to leave this loser alone and move on to someone that you can truly trust and who appreciates you.