Expert: Melissa Durazo - 5/27/2008

Question
I have been with my partner for 14yrs loyally and have never been with anyone else this woman has come along who has blown my word apart we haven't had sex yet but will soon all the lying is sending me crazy and I'm taking it out on my partner who i don't think i love anymore and my partner loves me loads which makes this hard what shall i do please help.

Answer
You need to be honest with your girlfriend. If after 14 years, you decided to give up on the relationship. What does that say about you? You didn't expect to still be in love after all those years, right? You have to work staying in love. You have to contribute your time to making it work.
So, a another woman came along.....And, there will be plenty of other women in the future who will probably blow your world apart just like this one did....That doesn't mean you have to throw your relationship away. This is just an easy cop out to get out of a relationship you probably wanted to get out of a long time ago and didn't have the gumption to face your girlfriend and tell her. Now, since, this other woman has made it easy for you to leave your girlfriend.....You're taking the cowards way out.....I don't condone cheating. And, I certainly don't condone selfish behavior.
Perhaps, you should have come to grips with your feelings before you wasted 14 years of your girlfriend's life. And, let me tell you, jumping from one relationship to another isn't going to help you. It only shows and confirms that you are too afraid to be on your own. And, it only means that there is something deeper going on with you that you haven't yet addressed with yourself.
In the end, it is your life. You have to do what makes you happy. But, not at the expense of others.
You wasted her time and your time......That is a real shame. And, there is no excuse for it. And, if this other woman is alright with what you are about to do to your girlfriend, that says plenty about her, too. The only victim here? Your girlfriend......
Do her a favor, and stop wasting her time. The longer you wait, the worst it is going to get.......If you didn't want to seek a relationship counselor or actually try to save the relationship by finding out why you feel the way you do......It only means, you are going to repeat the same pattern again in the future, when you decide you don't love this other woman anymore.....Who knows, this new woman will  probably do the same thing to you......After all......There's always Karma......
Good luck, and really, be honest with your girlfriend....She deserves better than this....
~ M