Expert: Don - 7/29/2008

Question
QUESTION: I'm am currently in a relationship with a man I don't love.We aren't even having sex.I started dating him foolishly in efforts of avoiding going back to a ex that I was with off and on for four years. Everything was going smooth until I got pregnant. Now we have a one year old daughter who is the best thing that ever happened to me. My ex contacted me recently and I have entertained thoughts of sleeping with him. I find myself lusting for him.He flirted with me a couple and even made sexual advances.I flirted back but I'd made him believe I was joking even though I was serious.I want sex from him but I don't know if he is serious.Ideally I would like to stay with my current boyfriend for the sake of our child but we argue all the time and I am no longer sexually attracted to him.I haven't had sex in almost 8 months and I want it from my ex. I don't want my boyfriend to find out but I don't know how to go about asking it from my ex either.Can you help me?

ANSWER: Well you already know that your ex wants to sleep with you, so that's the easy part, all you have to do is straight out ask him, the two of you already have a history together, so you shouldn't be ashamed to approach him for sex especially since you know he wants it anyway.

I know you didn't ask but a quick heads up you should never stay in a relationship with a person you don't love or like just for the sake of the child. Doing that does more damage to a kid then what would happen if the two of you broke up. Kids are very sensitive to what is going on around and your child will sense that the two of you don't like each other or even get along and it will make for an unhappy childhood for that child. It's better go your separate ways and raise the child apart instead of staying together and letting the child see mommy and daddy unhappy with each other all the time.

---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: I know it isn't healthy for me or my child to stay in a relationship with someone I don't love or get along with at times. I plan to leave him as soon as I find a apartment for us. My question is how do I just flat out ask him for sex? Do you have any smooth suggestions on what I can say?

Answer
The fact that he is your ex means you shouldn't have to be smooth, he's already told you he wants to have sex with you, so all you have to do is tell him it's okay for the two of you to have sex. No smoothness involved it's probably the easiest thing you will ever do.