Expert: Melissa Durazo - 7/12/2008

Question
My girlfriend and i have been going out for 3 months. we were brought
together by a mutual friend. This mutual friend told me about her, and one
thing she did mention was that she cheated on her old boyfriend when she
went abroad to france. When we were talking about actually going out, i
asked her if she wanted to talk about past relationships and if there was
anything, she said there wasnt anything, yet i did know about it. So she was
lying at that time. She also still talks to her other ex boyfriend alot cause they
are family friends, but they talk like they are still going out (they went out for
a year). Right now she is abroad again in india, and that is where her ex
boyfriend is, and she still hangs out with him and goes partying and comes
home late at nights when she is too tired to call me and talk. We havnt talked
on the phone for the past 3 days, and before, i would ask her "if your home,
do you want to call me" and only then does she call me. Last week, I did have
a conversation with her, saying i knew about her past relationships, and that i
have a hard time trusting her, especially cause of the way she still is with her
ex. She has always told me there is nothing going on between them. I really
love her, and she says she loves me too, but i really dont know what to do.
On top of that, she goes to a different school then i do.

Answer
Well, sometimes, when people start a new relationship, it is only natural that one would not want tell the other about their faulty past relationships. It is only when one has gained each other's trust that they will feel comfortable in spilling their past. Then, there are some people that are like open books and divulge such information as easily as nothing. You have trust issues. And, trust is must be earned. and since you have only been dating for 3 months. It is hard to tell what kind of person your girlfriend really is. It is also, not common to stay friends with an ex. And, because she is friends with her ex, it does not mean that she is still seeing him. Unless, she has really given you a reason to find her untrustworthy. I do not see a problem with her being friends with an ex. Especially, if they are very good friends.
The fact that she travels abroad, though, is quite difficult for you to handle. And, since, you feel she has lied to you. Your are finding hard to trust her. If you knew this information before hand. You should have addressed it as soon as you found out. Not waited until she was India to bring it up. Perhaps, it was something she was embarrassed about doing and felt she couldn't tell you right away.. But, it is always best to keep the communication gap open in a relationship. And, if her behavior bothers you, you find a way to address it by letting her know how you feel, and if she is unwilling to change. Then, she is not the one for you.
Talk to her about the direction you want this relationship to go when she comes back from India. And, see if you can start over fresh and be honest with each other. It would be make you feel a lot better.
Good luck and sorry for the delay in response.....
~ M