Expert: Melissa Durazo - 8/13/2008

Question
QUESTION: I recently returned from a 4 day trip out of town. When me and my girlfriend
became intimate and had sex the night i returned, well her vagina was
extremely loose. In the past I noticed the the tightness does fluctuate and she
said that it was due to her birth control. But this time was drastically
different. At first I thought that my penis went soft on me but when i pulled it
out it was rock hard. It was soo loose that it kept slipping out and I could not
finish due to lack of stimulation. The only time it ever felt close to being this  
loose was when we went to a swingers party and she had sex with a guy who
was much larger than me. Im sorry but I just have a hard time believing that
she became this loose from birth control, when in the last year its never been
close to being this bad. Im afraid our swing lifestyle may have caused her to
feel too comfortable and maybe she slept with another guy thinking it was no
big deal since I have let her do it in from of me. Also, two days before I came
home she spent the day walking around an amusement park and she said that
maybe this is why it was soo bad. I thought walking did the opposite. Should
I be concerned?

ANSWER: If you and your girl have an open relationship. It is possible she may have been intimate while you were out. And, she may not want to tell you because of how you may react. Or, perhaps she is telling you the truth...
Vaginal tightness varies from person to person. And, over time, the vaginal wall lose elasticity. Whether it be from too much sex, age, child birth, too much lubrication will aslo give the illusion that the vaginal cavity is lose, too much masturbation ( meaning inserting objects that are way too big for the vagina ) or lack of vaginal exercises. Yes, a woman does have to do vaginal exercises if she wants to keep herself nice and tight.  Walking doesn't losen you up, by the way....So, you may want to have her come clean. And, set the boundaries of your swinger lifestyle to only when you both agree it is alright to get intimate with someone else....If you keep the communication gap open with each other, all will go well.....
Good luck....
~ M

---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: In our relationship, i do notice that tightness does change a little to an
extent. In this situation, it was extreme. I know that its not always tight but
this became a concern due to how extremely loose she was and oddly enough
I was gone for 4 days so that was plenty of time to do what she pleased. She
still denies anything happened. Maybe because we are engaged and she dont
want that to end. But in my experience when this has happened in the past, it
was due to her being with someone much bigger than me. I am only average,
about 6 to 6 1/2. Not very thick, a little on the slim side. An example I can
make, when I was with my ex wife, we had an open relationship. One night
she slept with a guy who she claimed was the biggest she ever had. Too big
in fact to insert all the way in. The next day we had sex, she was extremely
loose. Very comparable to the way my current girlfriend felt when I came
home that night. This is why I think its more than birth control or the average
fluctuation in tightness that im use to experiencing. You honest opinon, with
my experience, what do you think is the odds she is lying? Im very concerned
because I dont wanna tie the not with someone who cant be straight with me
or faithful.

Answer
Hello,
The only thing I can tell you is that you can not force a confession out of someone. And, at this point, you are going to have to trust your heart and your instincts. If she keeps sticking to her story....Then, it is up to you to decide whether or not she is being honest.
If she is afraid to lose you, it is understandable why she won't come clean. But, you need to make her understand, that if she is not honest with you, you can not continue the relationship. Let her know you are giving her the opportunity to come clean and that if in fact she did do what she did, your relationship can be worked on. But, if she can not be honest with you, then the relationship can not continue.....
You have the right to know what goes on in your home.....
If you can work through this with her...Make sure you set up boundaries that are respected by both of you......When you have an open relationship, you run the risk of things like this happening.....Because the boundaries and rules of respect aren't set from the beginning....
Good luck....
~ M