Expert: Melissa Durazo - 8/30/2008

Question
I have been with my boyfriend for over 3 years. He cheated on me once aboiut 2 years ago. Whenm he saw how muc it brike my heart he vowed never to do it again and tried his best to make it up to me. We recently moved across the country after I lost my job. we've struggled to make ends meet and I started dancing(stripping) so we could pay the bills. He has been unable to find work. This past week, after a long week at work, I came home to find my sheets smelling like vaginal secretions and cheap pefume and he admitted to having sex with one of my neighbor's daughters....who lives 2 doors down and is NOT even attractive! He has begged me to forgive him and said that I can kick him in the balls every day for the next month if it will make me feel better....well, I did that a couple times and it only made me feel worse. I have a 10 year old son who looks up to my BF and I really hate to let him go, but how can I ever trust him again? He said he was having a hard time dealing with me dancing and that's why he did it, but I feel like that's a bunch of crap! I've paid the bills so he can invite some other girl over to have sx with her in MY home while I'm out working! What should I do?

Answer
The fact that he has used your career choice to blame you for his cheating makes him a real jerk.....And, the fact that he is suppose to be a role model for your son, makes him an even bigger jerk......
HE has disrespected you in YOUR home. He has taken advantage of the roof YOU have put over his head. And, he has the nerve to blame you for his cheating??
Lucky for you, you have only invested 3 years of your life this guy and not 10 years. You deserve better and your son deserves better. This guy was not thinking of you or your son when he decided to cheat. Worse, he brought your neighbor's daughter home to YOUR bed. I hope the neighbor's daughter is over 18, if not, perhaps, her mother should know what her daughter has been up to on most afternoons. Don't you think?
I recommend that you cut this guy out of your life ASAP. Think about your son and the kind of message this guy is sending him. Just because you are a dancer, it doesn't mean you should be disrespected. Your job choice is just as hard working as any other job. It doesn't make you any less of a person. You are doing the best you can to support your family. And, no one, including that jerk has the right to make you feel that it's your fault that he strayed into another woman's arms.
Get rid of him. He has freeloaded off you for the last time....You are a strong and independent woman. And, you don't need some man who doesn't appreciate you in your life holding you and your son down.
I know that your son is attached to your guy, but, explain to him that sometimes, people make mistakes and when they do mistakes that hurt people....It is better to cut some people out one's life for the better. Trust me, I have teenage sons, and I am still reaping the repercussions of not cutting my ex loose from the very beginning. Keeping your guy around, and having your son see you hurt all the time, is going to take a toll on your son's growing up experience.....
Be strong and stand firm with your decision. You gave him chance....And, he blew it.....It's time you started living and working for you and your son...Not some lazy, unemployed, cheater....
Good luck.....AND, STAY STRONG!
~ M