Expert: Melissa Durazo - 9/18/2008

Question
QUESTION: we are together for past 5 months now. initially he used to talk to his ex which he stopped after i asked him to do.then 2 months after we started dating i saw a msg from his ex on a social networking site which talked about some pictures that he sent her. when i asked about it he refused to admit it n i let it go bcecause its only been 3 months since they break up... so i thought they need some time. but recently i saw another msg on his friends profile from that girl n it says she had a great sunday with him and it makes her feel so good... again i asked my bf about it and he refused that he even met her.. but he asked me 1 week's time to solve this matter forever.. n then 3 days later she deleted him from her facebook and sent him a sms to delete all her pics... later he admitted to me that she wanted him back for a fling.... but in the end of this discussion he said what if that girl might be really in love with me.... now this left me with a question that does he still has feelings for her or does he still wants her back.. please help...

ANSWER: I think that there are left over feelings between them. And, since he rushed into a relationship with you soon after they broke up, they never had a chance to get closure or deal with the break up. He also, isn't being honest with from the get go. And, that should concern you. He is only being honest because he keeps getting caught. And, that is not fair for you. You are stuck in the middle, trying to trust him and they are carrying on as if there was no you in the middle.
He needs to respect you. And, obviously, neither one is concern about your feelings because they are too involved with their own left over drama.....
He isn't ready for a relationship. And,he shouldn't waste your time. There is nothing wrong with staying friends with an ex. But, if it's in secret, then, there is a wrongness to that. You deserve better than that. And, lucky for you, you have only invested 5 months of your life to him.
Good luck and I hope you make the right decision. Because you really deserve someone who is going to respect you and not lie to you from the beginning....
~ M

---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: thankx alot for your reply but for me question arises that in the end when he really made an attempt to solve this matter completely i get this feel that it was for me, it was because he wants to be with me... so at this piont of time is it worth to end this relationship when he is taking initative to solve all the problems.. because after all this he has promised me that if anything as such happens he will let me talk to that girl and will do whatever i say...

Answer
Well, in the end, it's up to you whether you want to believe him or not.  And, if you feel he is making the effort, then, allow him to take care of it.
I don't see why he would give you the option to handle the ex if anything else were to happen. Again, this is something he should have handled before he got involved with you. And, by allowing you to handle the situation if it doesn't get solved is only going to cause more drama than what is needed.
Give him that week to squash the problem he created in the first place. If nothing gets solved afterwards, then, it's up to you to decide if you want to keep putting up with the ex or just calling it quits.
Good luck.....
~ M