Expert: Melissa Durazo - 9/7/2008

Question
im 19 yrs old , me and my girl been together on and off for 2 yrs . the very first time we dated she cheated on me ...for what ever reason i stayed with her , she never did it agian until this last feb. were she got drunk and cheated on me 2 times with the same guy in one night . i been thinking about it every since , but she has changed completely and is differant now , she siad it will never happen agian but she siad that the very first time she ever cheated on me , and god i love her so much but the pain still comes to me every day  , i think about it . i always think is it me , whats wrong with me , is this all my fualt , did i deserve this or did i have it coming to me. i dont know  , but what makes it hard to walk away is that i love her so much and she is pregnant with my child , and she swears she will never do it agian , but i keep feeling ...is it just a matter of time till she does it agian . PLZ HELP ME . THANX

Answer
People cheat for all types of reasons. In the end, regardless of the reason, it's unacceptable. Being in a relationship at your age is tough. You're in between adulthood and your teenage years. And, now, you are going to be a father. It's not going to be easy for you. And, the fact that she has cheated on you in the past is going to be even harder to focus on creating a family with her.
Just know, that it's not your fault, you didn't deserve being cheated on. And, you didn't have it coming. People just do stupid things and make bad decisions. And, she may or may not probably do it again. That's a risk we all take when we give a cheater a chance.
My oldest son is 17, and he's going to be a dad in December. And, he's practically in the same predicament as you. Except, he was the cheater. The only thing I recommended to him was to take a break from the relationship and focus on himself, his school, finding a job and his new baby. And, to keep things civil with the girl for the baby's sake. I told him that it wasn't fair to waste her time or his time if it wasn't going to work. All he can do from this point on is to be responsible for his baby. Things have been rocky for him. But, you can't force a relationship that was having problems from the beginning. Which in your case has been the cheating from the get go. It's time to focus on your baby. If you still want to work things out with your girl. Then, counseling is the way top go. You're both young. And, if you really want to save your relationship, this is the best way to go about it. That way, you'll both learn more about each other and what exactly you need to do when things go bad. But, just know, that it's not fair to waste each other's time and youth, either.
If in the end,things don't improve, you at least tried to make it work.
And, realize, if it doesn't work, it's no one's fault, because you tried. You at least will have a wonderful child to focus your love on.....
Take care of yourself. And, good luck.....
~ M