Expert: Melissa Durazo - 9/11/2008

Question
I am involved with a married man who is in an open relationship for the past several months.  At first his wife not only liked me but encouraged us to see each other.  Now she has turned into a jealous bitch because we love each other.  She wont allow us to see each other and we are having to sneak around which neither of us wants.  Now there is a huge problem, I found out I'm 5 weeks pregnant.  We can't tell her cause she'll forbid all contact and we can at least talk online now.  Oh yeah, in the 5 months we have been together she has random hooked up with 7 different guys who she has sex with on first meeting and has only told him about 3.  We don't know what to do...he can't leave her because it wouldn't be right for their son, and I can't have and raise this baby on my own.

Answer
Open relationships are a little tricky, because, there has to be set boundaries and rules. And, usually, when couples choose to have open relationships, it's usually one night affairs with different people they probably won't hook up with again. In your case, you and the husband "fell in love". Unfortunately, you knew what you were getting into. And, pursuing this relationship was wrong from the get go. He was wrong for allowing this to happen. And, of course, the wife is going to get bent out of shape. The arrangement was to have open emotionless sex with whomever they wanted. Not, to have her husband go and pursue another relationship with another woman.
This situation is made worse with your pregnancy. And, honestly, if he wanted to be with you, he would leave his wife. With or without a son in the middle. He's telling you that leaving her wouldn't be right for his son? Yet, having an extra marital affairs with other people is alright?
In the end, you are pregnant. It's up to you to decide if you are going to keep the child or not. And, if you truly want to have a life with this man....Do you really want him to leave his wife for you? Because, if he can easily fall out of love with his wife. He can easily fall out of love with you. Because, I can guarantee you.....He's going to have extra marital affairs again. Even if you agree not to have an open relationship this time around. Think about the situation you're in.
And, think abut whether you would like someone to take away your husband in that sort of manner.
And, personally, I think you deserve a man with out any baggage or drama....The whole situation is wrong. I just can't see any good coming from this. And, unfortunately, the only victims here are the children involved ( alive & unborn ).
Think about what you're getting into.You really deserve so much better than this.
Good luck....
~ M